Edward's Longest Night
by jingles4thestorm
Summary: Edward and Bella have just climbed into the car and are finally on the last leg home. What is tortured Edward thinking? What will he be thinking the rest of the night? New Moon ch 22-24. EPOV My first!
1. Beginning of the Night

**A/N: This website is confusing the life out of me. Anyway…**

**I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING BEYOND THIS BOLD SECTION. I MAKE NO PROFIT AND OFFEND NO ONE**

**So here goes my first shot. Exciting. Please Please Please review and tell me if you think it's crap or not. I think it's pretty dandy. It could use some love here and there, but it's my first so play fair. **

**Oh and reviews will keep me going so, keep that in mind if you want me to finish transcribing all the conversation from the rest. Seriously there is a lot of it and I don't want to do it for naught. **

**Much love, enjoy!**

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Isabella was in my arms. Isabella was warm and alive and in my arms. My beautiful Bella was safe with me. My angel in the darkness of this life was once again shinning through the shadow.

The thoughts in Rosalie and Emmett's mind meant nothing to me, I don't think I could even hear them. Not once on the way home from SeaTac did my eyes drift from her resting face and body. I slowly rubbed her back and pulled her further into my stone chest.

The red-eyed monster that lived in my mind was reaching out for her, but not to kill her. No, no he wanted to hold her living body and protect her once again. My monster didn't care that her _smell_ was more potent than it ever had been. He didn't care that she was resting defenseless in my arms and that my mouth was so close to any part of her. He was just relieved that she was alive and that the pain from being away from her was gone.

Yes, the pain. I cringed beneath her remembering it. I could never forgive myself if I knew that I had caused her anywhere near that much pain. The pain that all but killed me. It ripped ever centimeter of my body apart. Every part that had touched her, even through clothing, burned and stabbed and ripped being away from her. The sweet relief that I felt now would have brought tears to my eyes if a vampire could cry. Almost as if she knew what I needed she pulled herself more into my chest and took a deep breath and her body relaxed a little more. She sighed and in the sigh my name came out, as if it was resting in the back of her throat waiting to make an appearance.

All too soon we were stopped at a wet house on a wet street in the wet town on a dark day in Washington. It had been such a long time since I had been to this house, but still I remembered it perfectly. Rosalie got out and opened the door for me and I stepped out of the car. Carlisle had parked behind us and everyone got out of his car too.

"Bella!" shouted an irate Chief Charlie Swan. His mind was nothing but a string of profanities with my name and Bella's mingled in. Instinctively I pulled Bella into my chest more to protect her from his mind.

"Charlie?" she murmured softly. Her voice was like the dawn of a spring morning, all beauty and softness. "Shh. It's okay' you're home and safe. Just sleep." Yes we were both home and safe. I can't be sure if her home was the house of her father or in my arms.

"I can't believe that you have the nerve to show your face here!" _I'm going to get my gun. I swear I will shoot him if her doesn't let go of her. I won't let her slip back into her depression. I will kill him and go to jail for life before I let that happen to her again. _ Yeah, I guess I deserve that. I had heard Alice and Charlie's discussion even though she tried to hide it from me. I now knew it all because Charlie's mind was drifting back to her dark days and the beast inside of me snarled at him to stop. The pain was coming back even though she was in my arms like a beacon of light.

"Stop it dad," she mumbled again only a little louder. Once again it like she knew what I needed, like she could read my mind.

"What's wrong with her?" Charlie yelled now only a few steps away from me. "She's just very tired, Charlie. Please let her rest," I pleaded with him. _That's Chief Swan boy_, his mind yelled in protest. "Don't tell me what to do! Give her to me. Get your hands off her!"

But my hands did the reverse. I couldn't give her up, not now, not after all we had been through. I gripped her even tighter, but I knew better. I extended my arms to pass her off but this time her hands grabbed my shirt tighter than I ever though imaginable. Charlie started pulling on her arm and I worried that he would hurt her. "Cut it out dad," she demanded. This time she opened her unfocused eyes to the dim day trying to find him to glare. "Be mad at _me._" How could anyone be mad at my angel? "You bet I will be! Get inside."

No, I didn't like that. She had risked her life to save me, once again I might add, even though I had already destroyed her. She was brave beyond her years and was more kind than I deserved. I deserved to be killed by the Volturi, and the fact that she was alive didn't change that account. My brave, fragile, soft Isabella. "'Kay. Let me down," she asked.

NO! I thought that she was in tune with what I needed. Letting her out of my arms was not on that list not matter how short of a time that we would be apart. But I did as she asked and gently put my angel on her feet. She still looked like she was half asleep and confirmed my belief when she collapsed after two steps. Quick like a vampire I grabbed her before she was hurt. "Just let me get her upstairs. Then I'll leave." I knew that the words weren't true but they still burned and only increased the pain I was feeling more.

I deserved a fate worse than death. I deserved to be a vampire.

"No," she cried fully waking up looking back up at me with fear in her eyes. . Her whole body was in a panic frenzy and it hurt even more knowing that this was her response believing that I wouldn't come back. I couldn't ever leave her again. The few minutes that it would be when I wasn't touching her, breathing her in, would bring back every ounce of pain that I felt for the past…God how long was it? It feels like an eternity.

"I won't be far," I whispered softly only for her. There was still a part of my mind that was staying in my families mind and I could see Alice's vision that I would be back here in less than five minutes after we left. I picked her up again and carried her into the house with Charlie not far behind me. Her breathing deepened by the time I was at the staircase telling me that she was asleep again.

My steps were silent as not to wake her while Charlie blundered up behind me. His mind was still dancing around the idea of grabbing his gun and putting one in my back as I left. It was still less than what I truly deserved. I put her softly on her bed and she automatically rolled into a ball on her side. I could see in Charlie's mind that this was a habit she picked up when I had left. I lifted her just a bit to pull her sheets down and then over her. "Sweet dreams, my Bella," I whispered to her knowing that Charlie was so wrapped up in his own mind that he couldn't hear me. A small smile lit up her face at the sound of my voice and it felt like a raging ball of fire had just hit me square in the chest. But it was a good pain; it was a relief so strong that it hurt. I pulled her door silently shut behind Charlie and me. "You ever walk through my door again boy, and I will kill you. I will never let you hurt my Bella again." The beast snarled ferociously at the phrase 'my Bella' because she wasn't his.

Isabella Marie Swan was _mine_. Even if she didn't love me anymore, she was still mine. I would do all in my power to make her love me again if it came to it.

I nodded, but not in agreement. "Good night Chief Swan," was all I said to him. I walked down the stairs and outside to the waiting car, hearing nothing but Bella's heartbeat. As Emmett sped home I could still hear her heartbeat and I held onto it the farther away I was.

I barely noticed as I raced through the house that while we, the three of us, were gone that the rest of them had moved in. I ran up to my room out of habit and tore off my clothes, not even bothering to do it properly, and tried to put a new set on. I could still hear her heart beating and it made me too hasty that I ripped one outfit apart. I took a deep breath trying to slow myself and I slid on a new outfit. I nearly pulled my door off its hinges when I went to open it. I wasn't expecting to see Rosalie on the other side of it and I nearly bumped into her. For once in all the time I have known her, her mind was completely silent. Her face looked guilty and hurt but her mind was silent. We stared at each other for a moment.

"Run to her Edward."

And I did. I ran harder and faster than when I was tearing myself away from her. I listened as the most meaningful sound in the world grew louder and louder. For some reason that I couldn't understand I stopped just on the edge of her yard. There was still some part of me that couldn't believe that I was really here. I had pleaded for this for so long that it didn't seem real, finally getting it. Without permission my mind walked back to the last time that I was standing in this forest. When I had broken my Bella. I had loved her so much that I was blinded enough to leave her. How could she possibly love me after that? If I will always hate myself for it then she must be of the same mind. But then again, she always surprised me by doing what I didn't expect. No, no this time she would do what I expect and when she opens her eyes she is going to tell me that she doesn't love me.

It took two heartbeats for me to depress myself and that was all I could handle standing away from her. I could hear Charlie still rumbling around the house. He was planning against me and praying that Bella wouldn't turn back into what she was. He saw a horribly pale and empty girl walking around the house. He even remembered the calls that the teachers made voicing their concerns about her. That girl in his mind wasn't the one I was looking at right now. Before me was my perfect Bella. It was true that she looked thinner and paler and I knew that it was my fault, but I didn't love her any less. I crossed her room and saw from my peripheral vision that I was gone four minutes, but that was too long a time.

Without hesitation I crawled onto her bed next to her and she instinctively rolled over into my arms. If she loved me in her sleep, could she love me in her waking? I prayed that it would be true, but I didn't hope for it. Her scent was once again the comfortable burn in my throat and stomach. I had been away from it so long that that particular pain insanely relieved my body. The monster in my mind was at peace and smiled that she was once again in our arms. Charlie went to fall asleep on the couch, still remembering his zombie daughter. The only defense I had was burying my face in her hair and holding on to her tighter. "Please love me Bella, I need you in my life" I whispered every few minutes. I was substituting the word forgive with love because in my mind it was all the same thing. If she loved me then she might forgive me someday. But if she just forgave me, there was no guarantee that she would love me.

She slept like a small child. Never letting herself get to far from me, which caused me undeserved hope. In my mind I tried to plan out what I would say to her when she woke up. There are so many things that I want to say to her that I have no idea where to start. Every so often I murmured that I loved her and that I was sorry. Some of the time she would smile, other times she gripped her chest in a strange way and bury herself more into my chest. I didn't understand her reaction, but I was sure that she would explain it to me. Or I would see the truth in Charlie's mind.

I looked around her room and saw how barren it was. I remember her having books and CD's and other various bobbles, but there was none of that now. I could see in her garbage that she had thrown away a lot of her CD's. Her big Jane Austen book was tucked away on the top shelf of her closet along with many other romance novels_. _

_Good God, what had I done?_ Did I break her heart so badly that she couldn't love any of the things she loved before? Yes, I knew I did. Her irrational love for me and my never-ending love for her told me that I took more than just myself away.

I glanced at the clock and it read 5 in the evening. Charlie was up again and making himself dinner, debating whether or not to wake up Bella and offer her some. He decided against it and I was relieved that I didn't have to pull myself from her just yet. Without any warning she began to moan and whimper in her sleep. I could see the pressure building behind her eyelids as the tears welled up. Charlie heard the noise she was making. _Damn that boy to Hell. He did this to her. She hasn't had a decent nights sleep in half a year. Now that he has come back it will only make it worse. Good thing my Bella is smart enough not to take him back. Then again, she held onto him like she never wanted to let go._ Charlie's mind continued on weighing the chances that she would take me back or not.

"Edward? Edward where are you? Come back to me!" and the tears escaped from her eyes. I broke my precious porcelain Bella. "I'm here Bella. I came back for you," I tried to soothe her. I hummed her lullaby in her ear and wiped her tears away. If I could cry, I would. I kissed her forehead again and again until she stopped crying. Her breathing became deeper and I knew that she wasn't dreaming anymore. I couldn't hold her any tighter to my body without crushing her, but I wanted too. I wanted to pull her deep inside of me like I was a cave and protect her for forever. I wanted to do and be everything that I was before I made the wretched, stupid, moronic, jackass, evil decision to leave her.

Evil. That is a great description for it. It caused both of us nothing but pain and almost our lives.

Seeing Bella in that horrid castle in Volterra was enraging. She should never have had to be in such an evil place. Once again it was my fault that she was in a dangerous situation, but I'm not leaving again. It was leaving to protect her from a dangerous life that dragged her to the worst situation imaginable. And of course, it was the one situation that my constant fretting didn't see coming. If the world was hand awards out for biggest moron who could do the most damage to another person, I would take first without question. I wish someone would just hit me with a car. I know it wouldn't help and I don't know why I want it. It just seems like something Bella would say if she were miserable like I am.

Great, now I'm back to thinking about how miserable she must be. If someone just hit me with a car it would put me out of my misery. It might save Bella from having to get rid of me herself. It can't be possible for her to love me. It can't be possible for me to ever stop loving her. It doesn't matter that she touched me in the same ways or is holding me like she still loves me. I can see what I did to her in Charlie's mind. I might as well have just stabbed her through the chest and stared at her while she bled out on the ground.

I shivered in reaction to letting my mind go there. Picturing a lifeless Bella still, and always will, hurt me.

Attempting to think in any direction only made the pain worse, which I deserve. Waiting seems to be the punishment that the fates have given me for now.

And so I waited. I watched my beloved Bella sleep in my arms. Hours slipped by as I stopped my mind from doing anything by rememorizing her. I had no idea what I would say when she woke up. I had no idea what she would say when she woke up. All I knew was that I would make her love me again somehow.

There were a few times when she would shiver and grab her chest again. She also said my name. Charlie didn't even bother checking on her again before he went to bed. He listened to the door for a few minutes then wandered to his room muttering about what I had done. I still deserved taking a few bullets to the back, but we both were going to let Bella decide what I would suffer.

Slowly her breath began to get shallower. Her muscles twitched as she awoke from her slumber.


	2. The Night Bleeds on

**Here you go loves! I pushed this out as best as I could without making it crap. I hope I got the angst right. I put enough of my own in there that it should be authentic at the least. **

**Mad love to slimjimjerky for helping me and to all the other awesome cats who reviewed!! I never expected my writing to be any good and to have some many people fav it. I'm super honored and blushing like a mad man! **

**Are you ready for the next installment? I hope you are. **

**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANYTHING NOT IN BOLD. COPYRIGHT STEPHENIE MEYER AND LITTLE, BROWN AND COMPANY. PURELY FOR ENTERTAINMENT AND LOVE!**

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The anxiety was growing inside of me as she twitched into full consciousness. It was closing my throat making it impossible to talk and even breathe.

_You can do this Edward. You can handle any problem and defeat any evil for Bella. Just tell her everything and it will be all right in the end._ Coaching myself was the only thing I could do. I was at the complete mercy of the angel's wrath. I would have done anything for her, and I still would. _God I hope that counts for something_.

"Oh" she gasped as she wrenched her eyelids back quickly. Those perfect brown pools assessed me for half a moment before she hid them from me. After a moment of thought she looked at me again. I paused waiting for something to happen.

"Did I frighten you?" I asked anxiously. I began to wonder if it was such a smart idea surprising her like this. I thought she would have expected me to be here. Oh God, she thought I would leave her again didn't she?

"Oh crap," she croaked. Yes, she believed that.

"What's wrong Bella?" With my lighting quick vision I checked her over and evaluated through layers of clothing that I hadn't bruised her in the night. Maybe she really didn't want me here.

"I'm dead right? I did drown. Crap, crap, crap! This is gonna kill Charlie." She moaned but didn't look away from me. She made no move to push me away. Interesting.

"You're not dead" I couldn't help but frown at her. After doing everything in my power and my family's power to keep her alive, she better not _start_ thinking about killing herself. Then again, I do have a plan to follow her shortly. Or perhaps she wished she were dead instead of here with me.

_Yes Edward. Sit here and make plans on how to off yourself instead of just trying to convince her of the truth._ My mind was big enough to have room to chastise myself at a moment like this. There was even room to chastise me for wasting time chastising. It might have been half a Bella heart beat for this to appear in my mind, but that was time nonetheless.

"Then why am I not waking up?" she challenged me, bringing me back to reality. There was that golden spunk that enticed me so.

"You _are_ awake Bella." Saying her name was like talking to an actual god. I always thought that she was a gift, no a blessing, from a higher power to torture me into madness. _No mischievous angel, Edward _I had to remind myself time and time again.

"Sure, sure. That's what you want me to think. And then it will be worse when I do wake up. If I wake up, which I won't, because I'm dead. This is awful. Poor Charlie. And Renee and Jake…"

Did she want to be dead? Did she really not want me with her so badly that the only answer for my existence is that she had died and gone to Hell? Wait…who's Jake?

"I can see where you might confuse me with a nightmare. But I can't imagine what you could have done to wind up in hell. Did you commit many murders while I was away?" my face automatically formed a grim smile. I knew my words had more truth in them than I wanted. Being a cynic was never an easy job especially with my beautiful Bella.

"Obviously not. If I was in hell, you wouldn't be with me" she grimaced.

Wait…she must have hit her head, or I did. Why would she be acting like this if she didn't want me here? After everything that I have put her through could she really want me still? _No Edward, don't trust a hope. Hope is for fools. The only thing that matters is Bella and the truth._

Her eyes bounced away from me as if trying to prove to herself that I was here and that she was awake. It burnt a little not having her eyes on my face. It burnt a little more not being able to look into her eyes after all this time.

"Did all of that really happen then?" she asked as her eyes darted back to mine.

"That depends. If you're referring to us nearly being massacred in Italy, then yes." Was there something else that could have happened? She did have some vibrant dreams last night involving me. What did I do to her in her dreams? I couldn't stand to think of myself hurting her in her deepest thoughts. What kind of a horrible monster am I?

"How strange. I really went to Italy. Did you know I'd never been farther east than Albuquerque?" her voice was light and slightly ironic. It was a good sound to hear again, even if it would only last the night, or the sentence.

"Maybe you should go back to sleep. You're no coherent." Part of me wanted to chuckle because it felt like such a natural thing around her, only this wasn't the time for humor. But I couldn't hold my eyes from rolling at her words.

"I'm not tired anymore. What time is it? How long have I been sleeping?" Bella talked as if she were handling pleasant business. With all the lies that she has had to tell because of me, it doesn't surprise me that she would get her fact straight first, before pushing me away.

"It's just after one in the morning. So, about fourteen hours." She stretched under me and it sent a shiver down my back having her move beneath me. More of those obscure human feelings filled my body, but I couldn't decide on what they were and I didn't really care at this moment.

"Charlie?" she queried. Not exactly a discussion I wanted to have right now, but we'd better not jump head first into the part where she tells me to leave her forever. No, I would like to put that off for a few hours. A few years would be better, but beggars can't be choosers.

"Sleeping. You should probably know that I'm breaking the rules right now. Well not technically, since he said I was never to walk through his door again, and I came in the window…but still the intent was clear." It was those funny technicalities that made a vampire's life infinitely easier.

"Charlie banned you from the house?" Her disbelief was surprising. Her eyes looked murderous and I couldn't be sure that it wasn't directed at me.

"Did you expect anything else?" Judging from his thoughts I got off terribly easy, but I didn't exactly want to tell Bella that her father wanted to put a few into my back, to put it rashly. That would be a discussion that would upset her one way or another and I _hated_ it when Bella was upset.

"What's the story?"

"What do you mean?" I asked surprised by her question, praying that she wasn't asking for my excuses just yet.

"What am I telling Charlie? What's my excuse for disappearing for…how long was I gone anyway?" Of course, the one thing that I didn't figure out while she was asleep is the most important thing. Well, important to everyone who isn't in the room. _You're a blithering fool Edward. You're only proving to make life more complicated for her… again._

"Just three days. Actually I was hoping you might have a good explanation. I've got nothing." I didn't need to let her in on the chastisement in my head. It isn't something that I would want any lady to hear, especially the one I love.

"Fabulous." Her sarcasm was like a waterfall at the end of a stream, peaceful, cool, and interesting.

"Well maybe Alice will come up with something." I hoped just as much as she did that my spiky sister had something up her sleeve. I didn't see a vision of what Bella would tell her father, mostly because I wasn't paying attention to anyone's existence other than Bella's.

"So, what have you been doing, up until three days ago?" My body stiffened just the tiniest bit knowing that this is the beginning of the end. _Just tell her the truth._

"Nothing terribly exciting." _That wasn't the whole truth Edward. All of it out now!_

"Of course not." She made the most peculiar frustrated face. I don't think that I have ever seen it on her before.

"Why are you making that face?" It intrigued me to see her doing something different. But once again, this was hardly the time for studying her.

"Well…if you were, after all, just a dream, that's exactly the kind of thing you would say. My imagination must be used up." What an obscure thing to say and think. What a Bella thing to say and think.

"If I tell you, will you finally believe that you're not having a nightmare?" _The whole truth now. _

"Nightmare!" I'm not sure what look was on my face but I was certain of my assessment of her. "Maybe, if you tell me," she clarified.

"I was…hunting." _That is so very clearly not the whole truth! This isn't the time to be protecting her from you. Your stupid half lies are no better than the true lies you told her almost a year ago!_

"Is that the best you can do? That definitely doesn't prove I'm awake." She always knew how to see around me.

"I wasn't hunting for food…I was actually trying my hand at…tracking. I'm not very good at it." I was trying to protect her from myself. Bella had accepted that I have killed people shortly after we properly met, but I don't know if she can handle the thought of me killing again. Even if I were killing a vampire who deserved death more than me. Okay, deserved death as much as me.

"What were you tracking?" _Tell the truth!_

"Nothing of consequence." _Moron_.

"I don't understand." I didn't want her to understand. I was enough of a monster in her eyes, that I can't handle being more of one. I know the truth will come out eventually; I just don't want to be the one to say it. Victoria deserves everything that I give her and more, but Bella shouldn't have to live with the thought of knowing that somewhere out in the world I was torturing and killing a sentient being.

But there was no better time than now for the truth. Here I go, into the flames of my sweetest angel's wrath…

"I…I owe you and apology. No of course I owe you much, much more than that. But you have to know that I had no idea. I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I though it was safe for you here. So safe. I had no idea that Victoria would come back. I'll admit, when I saw her that one time, I was paying much more attention to James's thoughts. But I just didn't see that she had this kind of response in her. That she even had such a tie to him. I think I realize why now—she was so sure of him, the thought of him failing never occurred to her. It was her overconfidence that clouded her feelings about him—that kept me from seeing the depth of them, the bond there. Not that there's any excuse for what I left you to face. When I heard what you told Alice—what she saw herself—when I realized that you had to put your life in the hands of werewolves, immature, volatile, the worst think out there besides Victoria herself. Please know that I had no idea of any of this. I feel sick, sick to my core, even now when I can see and feel you safe in my arms. I am the most miserable excuse for--" my voice was almost vampire speed when she stopped me. If I could cry, I would be. Saying all my thoughts out loud was a relief so strong that it was a pain. My empty chest cracked under the pressure of my still heart. The agony was choking me and covering every surface of my body. I could see the pain in her eyes as I spoke, and it grew greater and greater. I knew that just talking about it would hurt her, but it had to be said. She had to understand me before _she _left _me. _

"Stop." She paused and looked deep into my eyes. _My God, this is it. All my reasoning meant nothing to her. I deserve what she does to me, for I have done so much worse to her. I'll leave her alone after this. I'll go and live far away from everyone in the world…only after I deal with Victoria. Once she is gone I will disappear with the wind. I can't handle being around anything that reminds me of Bella. I have felt this pain once before, maybe I can fend it off better this time. I love you Bella, I love you!_

"Edward, this has to stop now. You can't think about things that way. You can't let this…this guilt…rule your life. You can't take responsibility for the things that happened to me here. None of it is your fault, it's just part of how life _is_ for me. So, if I trip in front of a bus or whatever it is next time, you have to realize that it's not your job to take the blame. You can't just go running off to Italy because you feel bad that you didn't save me. Even if I had jumped off that cliff to die, that would have been my choice, and not your fault. I know it's your…your nature to shoulder the blame for everything, but you really can't let that make you go to such extremes! It's very irresponsible—think of Esme and Carlisle and--" this time she was about to break down into tears.

_What in the world was this girl saying now! Was she trying to say that I didn't love her and that I'm not responsible for everything I did to her? I'm a better liar than I thought I was but that only makes this worse. She must be so confused. There is no way that I can hold the truth back now. Only that will set us free. _

"Isabella Marie Swan. Do you believe that I asked the Volturi to kill me _because I felt guilty?_" Saying her mane had the same effect as fireworks exploding in my body. The force of a tidal wave washed through me.

"Didn't you?" she looked very, very confused now.

"Feel guilty? Intensely so. More than you can comprehend." _So much more than you can comprehend my precious Bella_. Guilt poured from every word I said away from her.

"Then…what are you saying? I don't understand."

"Bella, I went to the Volturi because I though you were dead. Even if I had no hand in your death, even if it _wasn't_ my fault, I would have gone to Italy. Obviously, I should have been more careful—I should have spoken to Alice directly, rather than accepting it secondhand from Rosalie. But, really, what was I supposed to think when the boy said Charlie was at the funeral? What are the odds? The odds… The odds are always stacked against us. Mistake after mistake. I'll never criticize Romeo again." His mistakes were child's play compare to mine. Mine could have killed the woman I love, myself, her father, my family, and anyone else who came in the way of the evil fates. _Almost all of the truth is out now, what could she possibly think of me? I haven't even gotten to the groveling yet. _

"But I still don't understand. That's my whole point. So what?" she said still very confused.

**Gasp!! So what??**

**Check back soon for even more. I hope this is good for you guys!**

**I stopped it at this point to get it out there for you to judge. **

**PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK!**

**Sending me love will keep me going. You really have no idea what it is like to transcribe all this nonsense. Okay, its not nonsense, but it is something and there is a lot of it. **

**Love you loves~ Jingles for the Storm**


	3. The Rising of the Sun

**Alrighty then! Round 3 is up on deck. I spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to get this one perfect. I just had to do Edward justice, if not for your sake then for mine. It was hard because he kept trying to run away from me, and we couldn't have that could we? And yes, I put the kiss scene in here, just be patient you need to read up to it.**

Mad Love to the people who reviewed. Gabriel Wolfe and slimjimjerky are some seriously cool cats.

Now, I had a playlist all planned out, but the Internet had different plans. So instead I will give you the names of the songs and tell you to go to because they have all the songs unlike all the other online music players. *snarls lowly*  
Edward's Longest Night:  
Dune Messiah by Brian Tyler  
Preacher at Arakeen by Brian Tyler  
Leto and Ghanima by Brian Tyler  
Reunited by Brian Tyler  
Farewell by Brian Tyler  
Angels by Within Temptation (note this is just for the sound of it, the actual words have nothing to do with the story. Though it might in a twisted kind of way)  
Swing Life Away by Rise Against  
It's a lot, but totally worth it. Just push new tab and take care of business.

DISCLAIMER: IK BEZIT GEEN SCHEMERING. OR IF YOU DON'T SPEAK DUTCH, I DO NOT OWN TWILIGHT AND I DEFINIETELY DO NOT OWN THE WORDS IN QUOTES. LITTLE, BROWN, AND COMPANY DO. IF I OFFEND, LET ME KNOW!

**Hold onto your bonnets loves and keep your arms, legs, and feet inside the vehicle at all times. **

* * *

"So what?" she asked completely confused by my words.

"Excuse me?" So what so what?

"So what if I _was_ dead?" Hearing her say the words brought back the nightmare of seeing a stone cold lifeless Bella.

"Don't you remember anything I told you before?"

"I remember _everything_ that you told me," she said with a stone voice and a slight shiver. I knew she meant what I said in the forest. It stabbed me hearing her say that to me. But it was still less than what I deserve. I did this to my Bella. I made her cold and brittle and I had to fix it, tonight.

"Bella, you seem to be under a misapprehension. I thought I'd explained it clearly before. Bella, I can't live in a world where you don't exist." I did my best to give her a smile, but being filled with such self-loathing agony makes such endeavors difficult.

"I am…confused." I could see her mind weighing the difference between the truth I spoke now and the lies I told then. I knew that some part of this was getting through to her, but I could also see her mind beating wildly against it.

"I'm a good liar, Bella, I have to be." Her whole body stiffened and locked down as if it were about to be hit with some large object. I grabbed her shoulders and tried to shake her loose. _My poor stone Bella._

"Let me finish! I'm a good liar, but still, for you to believe me so quickly…that was…excruciating. When we were in the forest, when I was telling you goodbye—you weren't going to let go, I could see that. I didn't want to do it—it felt like it would kill me to do it—but I knew that if I couldn't convince you that I didn't love you anymore, it would just take you that much longer to get on with your life. I hoped that, if you thought _I'd_ moved on, so would you." _This relief you feel Edward, this comes from telling Bella the truth, now go on!_

"A clean break," she said through her pink stone lips. If it weren't for my vampire hearing I might have missed her saying it.

"Exactly. But I never imagined it would be so easy to do! I thought it would be next too impossible—that you would be so sure of the truth that I would have to lie through my teeth for hours to even plant the seed of doubt in your head. I lied, and I'm so sorry—sorry because I hurt you, sorry because it was a worthless effort. Sorry that I couldn't protect you from what I am. I lied to save you, and it didn't work. I'm sorry. But how could you believe me? After all the thousand times I've told you I love you, how could you let one word break your faith in me?" How could she? Was I that distant from her from the beginning that she could understand, no accept, that I would tire if her? "I could see it in your eyes, that you honestly _believed_ that I didn't want you anymore. The most absurd, ridiculous concept—as if there were any way that _I_ could exist without needing _you!_" I could see it and it killed me to see it. I broke everyone's heart that day, but I did the most damage to my Bella's_. _

She laid there in silence just staring at me. I had finally gotten the truth out after holding it to my chest for so many months. I felt like Bella had just pulled me from the depths of the crushing ocean. But she was silent now, and it scared me. Was this the point that she would tell me to leave because I had hurt her too much?

"Bella, really what are you thinking?" Her quiet mind was once again driving me into that comfortable madness that I had grown accustomed too.

"I knew it, I _knew_ I was dreaming," she quietly wailed before breaking down to crystal tears. It killed me even more to see her crying again. It killed me more than when I saw myself killing her in the ballet studio. _I _will_ stop her tears and make this better. I am Bella's loving protector; it's my duty to keep her safe and happy. _

"You're impossible." I gave a hard frustrated laugh as I gathered my thoughts to once again beat against the barriers in her mind. "How can I put this so that you'll believe me? You're not asleep, and you're not dead. I'm here, and I love you. I _have_ always loved you, and I _will_ always love you. I was thinking of you, seeing your face in my mind, every second that I was away. When I told you that I didn't want you, it was the blackest kind of blasphemy." Again the waves of relief pour off of me finally being able to say the words to her that I only said to her memory but two days ago. But the look on her face showed me that she wasn't in the ecstasy that I was thriving off of. She continued to cry her perfect diamond tears as she shook her head at the words I was saying. It almost seemed like she was trying to runaway to the deepest place in her mind.

"You don't believe me do you? Why can you believe the lie, but not the truth?" This was breaking my heart, but I was determined to convince her that was never leaving and that I was real and here for her.

"It never made sense for you to love me, I always knew that." _Her absurd thoughts! What will it take to prove to her that I exist only for her?_ And then it came to me.

"I'll prove you're awake." My hands moved from holding her body to mine the holding her face. I pulled myself forward stopping only half an inch from her face, enjoying the sent that rolled off her body onto mine. Her warmth was such a wonderful tingling burn.

"Please don't," she almost whimpered to me. If my resolve weren't already set like the rising sun, I might have reconsidered. But I knew that this was the only way to prove to her that this was not a dream.

"Why not?" I begged and demanded.

"When I wake up-" I gave her a look and opened my mouth to continue the verbal battle, but she continued "-okay forget that one—when you leave again, it's going to be hard enough without this, too." _She still thinks that I can leave her. My God, is there nothing I can say to prove it to her? I love you Bella. I love you I love you I love you I love you. Your hold over me is stronger than any force in the universe. Our love is what is holding the stars together. _

"Yesterday, when I would touch you, you were so…hesitant, so careful, and yet still the same. I need to know why. Is it because I'm too late? Because I've hurt you too much? Because you _have_ moved on, as I meant for you to? That would be…quite fair. I won't contest your decision. So don't try to spare my feelings, please—just tell me now whether or not you can still love me, after everything I've done to you. Can you?" I was a fool who trusted a hope. I was at her complete mercy. I didn't want to leave, but I would if she told me that she had moved on. I would kiss her forehead, and stand from her bed, and jump out of the window, and run until the world swallowed me whole. I can't live without my angel. I can't survive the evil of the world without her by my side. The darkness will drink me whole.

"What kind of an idiotic question is that?"

"Just answer it please." End the torture that I have allowed to go on for far too long for both of us.

"The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I still love you—and there's nothing you can do about it!" Her voice rang with conviction and truth and love.

"That's all I needed to hear." I pressed my lips hard against hers for the first time in what felt like eternity. I pressed my lips against her for the first time for the rest of eternity.

Every kiss that we had ever shared ravaged through my memories, leaving nothing but happiness in their wake. Every smile that touched her silk lips burned their way back into my memory. The thoughts that I banned myself from having came rushing back in vibrant color like a dam had been broken in my mind. My throat felt like it had caught fire she tasted so good. Ever part of my body that she was touching turned to ice, to never be changed again. I felt warm and frozen all at once. Every muscle of my body relaxed against her having finally achieved what they wanted for so long a time. I finally achieved what I wanted for such a long time. I was home with my beautiful fragile amazing wondrous magnificent Bella.

Isabella Marie Swan was still mine. The evils of the world couldn't touch me here. The evils of _my _world couldn't touch _us _here. Heaven was raining down on us and it was good.

My hands traced her face rememorizing it as she did the same to me. Her heartbeat became erratic as the kiss became more passionate. She was kissing me back as hard as I was kissing her. When we both needed air I pulled away from her and whispered her name like a prayer. Her hands rested on my face cooling the vengeful fire that burned against me.

I was home.

I laid my head over her heart and listened to the choirs of angels singing through her body. I remembered the way that she was holding her chest and thought that maybe I could heal the pain that lived in here. I still didn't know why it was there, but I knew it was pain.

"By the way, I'm not leaving you." Her silence was wrong. I didn't expect her to say anything, but I knew that something about this silence was wrong. I looked up to her to hold her deep brown pools within my onyx ones. "I'm not going anywhere. Not without you. I only left you in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you—keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking you life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to so _something,_ and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm too selfish. Only _you_ could be more important that what I wanted…what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave you again. I have too many excuses to stay—thank heaven for that! It seems you _can't_ be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us." This time the conviction rang with the sound of my voice. Only death would take me from her, but I didn't want to think of that right now.

"Don't promise me anything." I heard the heart break in her voice and I looked to her with passionate anger in my eyes.

"You think I'm lying to you now?" I demanded with a hint of anger, but mostly sadness.

"No—not lying. You could mean it…now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper takes a snap at me? It isn't as if you hadn't thought the first decision through is it? You'll end up doing what you think is right." _ One step forward, two steps back,_ the cynic in me thought. I did flinch at the memory of my brother's behavior on her birthday. In truth the only one of us who acted with any maturity was Carlisle, a fact I was not soon to forget. Even I had to run from the house to keep from hurting my precious bleeding Bella.

"I'm not as strong as you give me credit for. Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time or even one day. I was fighting to make it through a single hour. It was only a matter of time—and not much of it—before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that." _Hell, I'd grovel and beg and plead and beseech and pray and anything else that she wants._

"Be serious, please," she grimaced. I knew that she was still trying to grasp the truth. How she thought she was still in a dream made no sense to me.

"Oh, I am. Will you please try to hear what I'm telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?" I waited a moment to make sure that she wasn't going to interrupt me. The old Bella hated complements, so it would be interesting to see how she would take this one.

"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason. …And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."

"Your eyes will adjust," she mumbled.

"That's just the problem—they can't." _Believe me I tried._ I was too the point that I didn't want them too. If seeing in the darkness of night meant getting used to a life without Bella, then someone can gouge my eyes out right now because I don't want them.

"What about your distractions?" She was finally adding things all together in her head. I knew I was getting through the stone cold Bella to my Bella beneath.

"Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the…the _agony._ My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone—like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you."

"That's funny," she said with a humorless chuckle.

"Funny?"

"I meant strange—I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long. And my heart. That was definitely lost." I laid my head over her heart again as she breathed in my scent. There was a time that I hated when she did that because it was yet another sign of the monster I am. My scent draws my prey in, at least it used too. Now it draws my love in.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?" she asked with a strange tone in her voice.

"No, that was never a distraction. It was an obligation." I sighed regretting this ounce of truth.

"What does that mean?" _It means that I don't want to tell you the truth because I don't want to scare you._

"It means that, even though I never expect any danger from Victoria, I was going to let her get away with…" _No I still can't talk about what happened a year ago._ "Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I traced her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil—and really she came here." I groaned deeply. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears--"

"You were hunting _Victoria_?" she interrupted me abruptly with a small shriek

"Not well. But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in an out for much longer." I felt the growl build in my chest as I thought about what she had been trying to do to my Bella. About the things that she wanted to do to my Bella. _It will be a great feeling when I finally kill her,_ I though darkly.

"That is…out of the question." Was she defending the abomination? Clearly Bella doesn't grasp the seriousness of the situation, like always.

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after--"

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave? That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?" I could hear that she was slowly getting hysterical by the thought of me leaving, and I hated myself even more.

_Damn she caught me. _But just thinking about Victoria escaping me caused yet another growl to build in my chest_. _"I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria is going to die. Soon." _I could make it tonight if I could allow myself to pull away from Bella._

"Let's not be hasty. Maybe she's not coming back... Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria." She had a strange way of trying to calm my anger. All she was doing was shifting it from one topic to another.

"It's true. The werewolves are a problem." I pondered how I was going to fix that situation. Again when she interrupted my thought process.

She snorted, "I wasn't talking about _Jacob_. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble."

_She has no idea how dangerous they really are. Now that the Cullens are back for good it will only make things more difficult. I'm willing to bet that a new treaty will have to be put into place to allow Bella to be with me. It will hurt her feelings and upset her to tell her what they are really capable of, but I have too._ Then I saw the look in her eyes, the complete faith she had in them. At least I now knew who Jacob was. But if there is something that is scaring her more, then I need to know what it is and get rid of it now! She has no reason to fear while I'm with her, which will be until she dies. I braced myself for what is her biggest problem, some part of me knowing that it was me. "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison?"

"How about second greatest?" she tried to compromise.

"All right," I agreed stiffly and suspiciously.

"There are others who are coming to look for me." Her almost silent whisper told me exactly how scared she was by the pompous Italians.

"The Volturi are only the _second_ greatest?"

"You don't seem upset about it."

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years that way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again." I knew that they worked differently than the rest of us so they didn't intimidate me in the least. Bella can live a long happy life before they come checking on her.

I saw her stiffen, as her eyes grew impossibly wider. Maybe saying that they would come anyway wasn't the right thing. _Backtrack Edward!_ "You don't have to be afraid. I won't let them hurt you."

"While you're here." It felt like she had just punched me through the chest. But I had to endure and keep proving to her that I'm NEVER going to leave her.

I moved my hands from her back to her face, grabbing it securely, "I will never leave you again" _I swear it on my family's life that I will never leave._ Her response to this was telling me how deeply my leaving hurt her. My lies were too good if she couldn't believe that I would ever come back to her and mean it. My glass Bella lived in Hell while I was gone. Just imagining her pain made mine come back twofold. I found myself once again desiring a car to hit me, such a peculiar desire to have.

"But you said _thirty_. What? You're going to stay, but let me get all old anyway? Right?" tears silently dripped from her eyes.

I was beginning to understand her apprehension about my plans, but they were the only way. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. What choice have I? I can't not be without you, but I will not destroy your soul." I have destroyed her heart and likely her mind too; I can't take her soul from her. _How much more destruction could I do to this girl?_ _ I won't let my selfishness consume me._

"Is this really…" she paused as she studied my face. I wiped a tear away from her cheek with my thumb.

"Yes?"

"But what about when I get so old that people think I'm your mother? Your _grandmother_?" Yet another diversion, what is she trying to hide from me? Why is she trying to hide something from me?

My hard exterior crumbled seeing the pain in her. Bella never thought herself a beauty, oh how wrong she was. This time I kissed a tear away from her cheek. "That doesn't mean anything to me. You will always be the most beautiful thing in my world. Of course…If you outgrew _me_—if you wanted something more—I would understand that, Bella. I promise I wouldn't stand in your way if you wanted to leave me," I hated saying this, but anything was possible while she was still human. I will never change and it could make her angry to watch her days slip by, but this was the way it had to be.

Bella must be human.

"You do realize that I'll die eventually, right?"

"I'll follow after as soon as I can."

"That is seriously…sick."

"Bella, it's the only right way left—"

"Let's just back up for a minute. You do remember the Volturi right? I can't stay human forever. They'll kill me. Even if they don't think of me till I'm _thirty_. Do you really think they'll forget?" She was still crying but she was now holding her own in the conversation. I could tell that she was going to push against this with all her might. It was the one thing she had wanted since we declared our love, but the one thing I can never give her. It wouldn't be giving, it would be taking.

"No. They won't forget. But…" I shook my head knowing that this next part was really going to light her fire.

"But?" she said with a hint of her famous Bella fire.

"I have a few plans." I grinned madly at her just remembering all the devious plots I had to keep her safe.

"And these plans… These plans all center around me staying _human_?" she said with even more fire in her quiet voice.

"Naturally," I said with an air of arrogance. This was one plan that she couldn't usurp.

Suddenly she pushed away from me and began sitting up. My breathing picked up worrying at what I had said to her to make her act like this.

"Do you want me to leave?" I couldn't disguise the pain in my voice and the flutter in her heart told me that she heard it. Her eyes were kind, but resolved.

"No, _I'm_ leaving." She got up from me and stumbled around her room looking for something. I realized that it was her shoes that she was looking for and this made me even more suspicious than I already was.

"May I ask where you are going?"

"I'm going to your house." That was not what I was expecting, but much better than it could have been. I got up and grabbed the shoes that I had removed fifteen hours earlier. It surprised me to see that this conversation had taken an hour, I thought that it was much less time.

"Here are your shoes. How did you plan to get there?" My Bella was crafty and I knew that she was planning something in her mind.

"My truck." Nope. That still wasn't what she was planning.

"That will probably wake Charlie." I said this hoping that it would stop her, but I knew that it would only encourage her more.

She sighed standing up from putting her shoes on, "I know. But honestly, I'll be grounded for weeks as it is. How much more trouble can I really get in?"

"None. He'll blame me, not you." My mind wandered to his and I saw that he was still dreaming of what he could do to me, while he was fishing. His mind was a little predictable. I guess I just have to never agree to go fishing with him.

"If you have a better idea, I'm all ears." Her voice brought me back.

"Stay here." I think that's an excellent plan.

"No dice. But you go ahead and make yourself at home." _Like she really expects me to leave her alone. _ This battle was lost. I was blocking her from the door when she turned to her open window. I could tell that she was seriously debating how hard it would be to jump from her window. _Damn it! That girl knows that I can't let her do anything dangerous. If being wrapped around her finger wasn't so precarious I might enjoy it more. _

"Okay, I'll give you a ride," admitting defeat.

"Either way. But you probably _should_ be there, too."

"And why is that?"

"Because you're extraordinarily opinionated, and I'm sure you'll want a chance to air your views."

"My views on what subject?" I asked through a tight jaw. This really wasn't how I was expecting the night to go.

"This isn't just about you anymore. You're not the center of the universe, you know. If you're going to bring the Volturi down on us over something as stupid as leaving me human, then your family ought to have a say." I knew Bella well enough to know that I was the center of her universe. It didn't make me happy on the surface because I'm a monster and there are so many other people counting on her. Deep down it make me jump and scream and shout for joy. At least she was beginning to accept that I wasn't going to leave her, and that was a fair trade, I guess.

"A say in what?" She wouldn't….

"My mortality. I'm putting it to a vote."

She would.

* * *

**Man that was intense!**

**Now, initially I had no intention of conintuing. But I can see the anticipation of the rest of you and know that you probably want me too. If I get oh, 5 people telling me to go on, I will. Simply as that. So hit the tiny green button and tell me how much you love me! Because I love you for reading. Oh yes I do, mad love to all the peeps on FanFiction.**

**I think that's all I have to say. Oh wait no, I wanted to leave you with a quote.  
"If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace, but we would be hollow: empty rooms, shuttered and dank. Without passion we'd truly be dead." ~Angel, Buffy the Vampire Slayer season 2**

**~Love Jinges  
**


	4. Storm of the Day

**Well I just took a painfully long time didn't I? I hope you didn't forget about me! Stuff just got in the way and then the mood to write Edward slipped away and I had to fight to get it back. But hey guess what? 8 people told me to go on! So I love you guys. **

**Now this chapter gets it's own music. I don't know how many of you are actually listening to it, but that's not the point.  
Everything by Lifehouse  
Hands On Me by Vanessa Carlton  
Set Fire to the Third Bar by Snow Patrol feat. Martha Wainwright  
She Is by The Fray  
Animal I have Become by Three Days Grace  
Diamonds and Coal by Incubus(Slightly ironic band title huh?)  
Iris by Goo Goo Dolls  
I'm Still Here by Goo Goo Dolls**

**Dedicated with IMMENSE love to Edward's Little Vampire, IncomCorporation, Slimjimjerky, Midnight Freesia, and anyone else who has given me a shout out or reviewed. This chapter wouldn't be happening without you guys!**

**Read on loves!  
**

* * *

She looked at me with all the resolve and love in the world in her eyes. I couldn't let her become a vampire, but I really couldn't let her jump out of a second story window.

I was mad.

I was mad at the Volturi for giving her this fear, I was mad at vampires, I was mad at myself, and I might have even been a little upset by her choice. It was like she didn't trust me to take care of her. But the chance for me to give my side of the argument was yet to come.

I grabbed her bridal style and jumped out of the window and landed silently on the ground. It still felt so good to have Isabella back in my arms.

"All right then, up you go," I said in displeasure as I helped her up onto my back.

Once her arms were locked around my neck I took off on the familiar path to my house. For the first time in almost a year I was really running. There was no sensation comparable to having Bella on my back while I was running. That was true freedom.

While I was running I contemplated on what my family would do and tried to improve my mood.

_They're going to side with her. Half of them would change her because they love her and half of them would do it to stop me from moping. Spectacular._ _But I dare them to go up against me in this. No one cares for Bella the way I do. No one understands what this means. I can't damn her._

Either way much of this choice was still up to me and under no circumstance was Bella going to be anything other than human. She didn't deserve to be a vampire. She didn't break the heart of the one she loved and she didn't kill people. Of all the reasons that I had for keeping her a human, the deepest was that I couldn't put her through the physical pain. I wouldn't be strong enough to sit by her for three days and listen to her scream for death. I loved her too much for that. I know what leaving did to her, I couldn't bite her. As she would beg for death, so would I. I remembered her screams from the ballet studio. They ripped my mind apart then and they still do now.

I tried not to shudder beneath her remembering it, but I couldn't stop myself. There was a small part of me that was rejoicing that Bella wanted to give her soul up and be with me for forever. I was beginning to form violent thoughts against that part of me.

She softly kissed my neck, as if she knew exactly what I needed. "Thank you." She didn't know how thankful I really was. "Does that mean that you've decided that you're awake?"

She laughed her whimsical stunning laugh, "Not really. More that, either, way I'm not trying to wake up. Not tonight."

"I'll earn you trust back somehow. If it's my final act." I wished that I could be in as good a mood as she was. And part of me was, but I wasn't siding with him right now. I was more scared for what the future would bring for us. What this night would bring for us.

"I trust _you_. It's me I don't trust."

"Explain that, please," I said as I slowed down. I could hear the river behind the house but I couldn't hear my family. _How could she trust me and not herself? She didn't mess up, I did_.

"Well…" she had to fight to find the right words, "I don't trust myself to be…enough. To deserve you. There's nothing about me that could _hold_ you." _Utterly absurd and completely wrong and impossible!_ Would I ever understand why Bella could never see herself properly? I doubted that I would.

I stopped and reached around to help her down from my back. I quickly pulled her into my chest and locked my arms around her. Her arms weaved around my back as she held me tightly. Her warmth was so beautiful and soft.

"Your hold is permanent and unbreakable, never doubt that." I breathed in her scent again, letting the comfort burn down my throat. I loved her more than anyone had loved in all of history. There is no force in the universe that could take her away from me. Even if she ran away from me now, she would still hold me. I would run after her and never let go. Standing there, it once again felt like the world had stopped and just let us be who we were. That was the feeling that I wanted for eternity. The feeling that we were just two souls who loved each other; that our genus didn't matter.

"You never did tell me…" I murmured into her hair.

"What?" she asked looking up at me.

"What your greatest problem is."

"I'll give you one guess." She reached her small hand up and touched the tip of my nose. She sighed her warm breath over my face.

Guilt.

"I'm worse than the Volturi. I guess I've earned that." I nodded knowing that she was right. I hoped from some strange reason that I was forgiven, but I guess I was wrong. I don't think I ever wanted her to forgive me. _You want her to forgive you more than you want to hold her in your arms. Don't kid yourself. You know you'll fight for that forgiveness with everything you've got. _ My whole body tensed accepting the truth of everything around me.

"The worst the Volturi can do is kill me." She talked as if her death was nothing. _Was she not there for the past three days? Did I not make myself clear? Then again, if her death is nothing compared to what I can do, then I deserve my own death._ "You can leave me. The Volturi, Victoria…they're nothing compared to that." Her voice was fragile and filled with her own hurt. I prayed that she couldn't see the misery that was etched throughout my body.

I hated myself for what I did. Pure undiluted hatred and fury at myself.

"Don't. Don't be sad." She could see it. She touched my face and it reminded me that she still loved me. Her soft hand made me feel safe.

I pulled a half smile to make her feel better. "If there was only some way to make you see that I _can't_ leave you. Time, I suppose, will be the way to convince you." I whispered it even though we were alone in the forest. It felt like such a private place.

"Okay," she agreed with her own half smile. My mood wasn't improved, but hers was and that was all that mattered.

"So—since you're staying. Can I have my stuff back?"

I laughed remembering what I did. "Your things were never gone. I knew it was wrong, since I promised you peace without reminders. It was stupid and childish, but I wanted to leave something of myself with you. The CD, the pictures, the tickets—they're all under your floorboards." I remembered standing in her room with everything of hers and mine in my hands. Originally I had planned to take it with me and destroy it, but I couldn't. It was as if I knew I was going to come back and that she would need it again. Like, if I left it behind that I could still watch her when I wasn't there. _Plus, how rude would it be to take back presents? _

"_Really?_" It was encouraging to see how happy she was by this. I knew that once we got back to her bedroom that she would want to pull everything out. I was excited to see her smile again about it.

"I think…I'm not sure, but I wonder…I think maybe I knew it the whole time." She looked away deep in thought but wrapped her arms back around me.

"What did you know?" Her mind kept jumping tracks on me. I had gotten slow while we were apart. I had always prided myself on how quick I was and Bella definitely tested that. I loved her mind. I loved her.

"Some part of me, my subconscious maybe, never stopped believing that you still cared whether I lived or died. That's probably why I was hearing the voices."

_Wait, what?_ I had to pause for a human moment and take in what she just said to me. "Voices?" Her mind was such a strange place. I was now worried about what she would reveal to me. _Did my leaving drive her to insanity?_

"Well, just one. Yours. It's a long story," she clarified as if it mattered.

"I've got time," I answered deadpanned.

"It's pretty pathetic." I wasn't sure of my expression but it made her sheepishly continue. "Do you remember what Alice said about extreme sports?"

"You jumped off a cliff for fun," I said just as dead as before. I really didn't want to know where this was going. I had a bad feeling about this and an overwhelming sense that I would hate myself even more when she was done.

"Er, right. And before that, with the motorcycle—"

"Motorcycle?" _Why did I not see that coming? This _is _my Bella after all she never does what I expect her to do. I told her to stay safe, and she almost kills herself. Typical. _ And now a whole new set of worries about her past rushed through my mind. These deadly habits stop, tonight. I am her only deadly habit. _Great Edward, just depress yourself more. I think you could muster up a little more self-pity. I don't think Jasper can feel it from the house!_

Bella might have been right when she said I had split personalities.

"I guess I didn't tell Alice about that part," she said bringing me back to the issue at hand.

"No."

"Well, about that…See, I found that…when I was doing something dangerous or stupid…I could remember you more clearly. I could remember how your voice sounded when you were angry. I could hear it, like you were standing right there next to me. Mostly I tried not to think about you, but this didn't hurt so much—it was like you were protecting me again. Like you didn't want me to be hurt." She gauged my reaction before continuing. "And, well, I wonder if the reason I could hear you so clearly was because, underneath it all, I always knew that you hadn't stopped loving me." I could hear the conviction in her tone, but that wasn't what caught me. Even the fact that she told me that I lived in her heart and her mind didn't affect me at that moment.

_Nope, yep, I do hate myself more now_. The self-loathing was contorting my face and clenching all my muscles. It was possible that I would throw my fist through a tree trunk when next I was alone.

But wait…if she could still hear me when she was in a bad position that means that I did a good thing in protecting her, right? That I took care of her so well that when I'm gone she knew what to do? _Yeah, her thing to do was nearly kill herself out of desperation to connect with you. This is your fault, I hope you know that. _

"You…were…risking you life…to hear—"

"Shh," she interrupted me. I was about to blow a gasket, to put it roughly. _I don't know how much more I can hold in._

"Hold on a second. I think I'm having an epiphany here."

I waited as patiently as I could and held my mind back from chastising me even more. I was curious to know what she would say next to make me hate myself more. The sarcastic Edward was opting for the vampire/car collision again.

"Oh!" she said slightly excited.

"Bella?"

"Oh. Okay I see."

"Your epiphany?" I didn't know how much more I could take. This was a form of her wrath, but a strange form indeed. Keeping me waiting in the silence of her mind and inadvertently punishing me by her feelings and past actions.

"You love me."

"Truly, I do." I couldn't help but smile at her pleasant thought. It wasn't what I expected, but it was what I needed. I could be with her all of her life, and I still would have no understanding of how her mind worked_. I guess that's okay, never a dull moment_.

Her face lit up and her warmth swelled as she looked up at me. I couldn't help but kiss her with all the love I had. My amazing Bella had once again found me in the darkness of my mind. I was falling victim to my thoughts and she came in and saved me. I loved this woman more than blood. I loved this woman more than life. I loved her mind, her body, her heart, her clumsiness, her everything. Truly I loved her. I could say it a thousand times over and it wouldn't be enough to fully encompass how much I cared for her. Even her illusion of me loved her entirely.

It felt so good to kiss her again. I felt the forest slip away from me along with some of my worries.

"You were better at it than I was, you know," I told her earnestly.

"Better at what?" she said surprised.

"Surviving. You, at least, made an effort. You got up in the morning, tried to be normal for Charlie, followed the pattern of your life. When I wasn't actively tracking, I was…totally useless. I couldn't be around my family—I couldn't be around anyone. I'm embarrassed to admit I more or less curled up into a ball and let the misery have me. It was much more pathetic than hearing voices. And, of course, you know I do that, too." I had a self-conscious grin on my face. But it felt so good to tell the whole truth to her. She knew how I felt and wouldn't love me any less for it. When my family would talk to me I would try to sweeten up the bitter truth, but I didn't have to any more. We really were one in the same while we were apart, and that was good.

"I only heard one voice." I laughed at her playfulness and stepped forward holding her tight to my side. She held me tightly back.

"I'm just humoring you with this. It doesn't matter in the slightest what they say," I said crossing the last line of trees for my front yard. I could now hear them verbally and mentally. They were excited that Bella was coming to see them and that we had made up. Alice had just finished explaining to them _everything_ that happened in Italy.

"This affects them now too." _Can't she see that she was already a part of the family? _I felt like if she wasn't there that there wouldn't be any Cullen's at all. We all felt like we wouldn't be a full family without her. Some distant corner of my mind knew how awkward they all felt when we were gone. Each of them had grown accustomed to her and without her the world was a little less fun for them.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Jasper? Alice?" I said as I walked in the front door with her. I heard all of them respond but Carlisle was next to us first.

"Welcome back, Bella. What can we do for you this morning? I imagine, due to the hour, that this is not a purely social visit?" Carlisle was charming and pleasant as always.

She nodded, "I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay. About something important."

"Of course. Why don't we talk in the other room?" Carlisle walked us towards the rarely used dinning room. It was ironic because the first time we really used it was when I had first been attracted to Bella and we had to decide what was going to happen. Even then there was the vote that I just change her and be happy. But this wasn't making me happy.

As the rest of my family walked into the room and took their seats they began to guess at what Bella needed to talk to them about. Alice already knew of course, but she wasn't letting me in. She was giving me specific details on the Porsche I was to buy her. This was hardly the time for it.

Bella seemed a little surprised by the smile Rosalie gave her. Rose was finally getting it, Bella was here to stay and she was mine. I finally saw the real difference between Rosalie and me. She was willing to give up Emmett to be human, and I would never trade Bella for anything in the universe. I could handle being a vampire as long as I could have Bella. Without her, nothingness had more meaning than me.

"The floor is yours," Carlisle motioned when everyone had taken their seats. She swallowed hard and I knew she was nervous. I grabbed her hand securely under the table. Just because I didn't like what she was doing didn't mean that I couldn't still support her, even if I was the opposition. I had a hard mask on though. I was daring all of them to side with her instead of me. This wasn't their decision to make, no matter what Bella says.

"Well, I'm hoping Alice has already told you everything that happened in Volterra?" started Bella.

"Everything," said Alice. '_You knew this was coming Edward. It had to come. Stop being such a butt and accept that she loves you more than she loves herself.' _

My favourite sister was now my least favourite sister. I never thought that would happen, but when it came to Bella, all rules were off.

"And on the way?" she asked with meaning.

"That, too" Alice chirped proudly. I hadn't heard the story but I could see in Alice's mind what it was. _Great she promised to change Bella. So this is her fault. _

"Good. Then we're all on the same page." She sighed and settled into her speech. Her confidence was nice, even if it was misdirected. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing—something to avoid." She looked to all of them and then to me. I knew I had an unpleasant look on my face, but she didn't cower from it. Even worse was that everyone was agreeing with her. They weren't scared of the Volturi like she was, but they really didn't not want those type of vampires in this region for all our sakes. "And so, now, this involves you all. I'm sorry about that. But if you don't want me, Then I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing or not."

'_How could we not want Bella? We have always loved her. Poor thing must be so confused about us.' _ Esme's thoughts were nice but not good. She opened her mouth to verbalize her point but Bella stopped her.

"Please, let me finish. You all know what I want. And I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to have a vote. If you decide you don't want me, then…I guess I'll go back to Italy alone. I can't have _them_ coming _here_." I didn't even try to hide the growl in my chest. There was no way in hell that I was sending her back to Italy because my family didn't love her. There was no way in hell I was sending her back to Italy for any reason. But that's my Bella, always being the brave one.

'_She already fits into the family. Giving us all the chance to voice our opinions. She will be a nice addition.' _ First my mother and now my father. My scowl was etched through my marble skin down to my bone.

"Taking into account, then, that I won't put any of you in danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire." _She did not just smile at the word 'vampire'. God this girl is impossible!_ _There is a reason that we are the creatures of nightmare. Still just as backwards as before._

I could hear their minds already forming opinions and none of them surprised me. But I had to throw my knowledge onto the table before something irreversible was done.

"Just a minute." She tensed up and glared at me. I squeezed her hand reminding her that this was a democracy, her idea, and that I loved her. "I have something to add before we vote." She audibly sighed as everyone turned their attention to me. Like she thought I would go down without a fight. "About the danger Bella's referring to, I don't think we need to be overly anxious. You see, there was more than one reason why I didn't want to shake Aro's hand there at the end. There's something they didn't think of, and I didn't want to clue them in on it." I was very proud of the idea and plans that I had worked up. I knew that at least my brothers would see my point of view.

"Which was?" I loved it when I could surprise Alice. I still liked Rosalie more though. She kept running images of a vampire Bella through her mind and it made only half of me sick.

"The Volturi are overconfident, and with good reason. When they decide to find someone, it's not really a problem. Do you remember Demetri?" Bella shuddered lightly proving that she did remember. I didn't like reminding her of that dark place, but I needed too. "He finds people—that's his talent, why they keep him."

'_What a lame talent'_ thought Emmett.

"Now, the whole time we were with any of them, I was picking their brains for anything that might save us, gathering as much information as possible. So I saw how Demetri's talent works. He's a tracker—a tracker a thousand times more gifted than James was. His ability is loosely related to what I do, or what Aro does. He catches the…flavor? I don't know how to describe it…the tenor…of someone's mind, and then he follows that. It works over immense distances. But after Aro's little experiments, well…" I shrugged satisfied that my point had been well proven. My family had all caught on a while ago so I kept explaining for Bella's sake.

"You think he won't be able to find me." Bella had caught on and I knew that she wasn't pleased with the loophole.

"I'm sure of it. He relies totally on that other sense. When it doesn't work with you, they'll all be blind." Alice and Esme were disgusted by how smug I was, but how could I not be? I was protecting Bella; it was what I was made for.

"And how does that solve anything?" She got it and yet she didn't. I knew she was thinking of the family as a whole and not just of herself. I was only thinking of her because I knew my family could handle themselves.

"Quite obviously, Alice will be able to tell when they're planning a visit, and I'll hide you. They'll be helpless. It will be like looking for a piece of straw in a haystack!" I was relishing the thought of the pathetic Volturi and Emmett was of the same mind as I was. He was never good with authority and he would protect Bella just like a brother.

"But they can find you." She was still thinking of the whole and not the part.

"And I can take care of myself."

"Excellent plan, my brother." Emmett and I reached out and fisted each other in pride. He was glad because he might get to beat some 'Italian butt' and it would protect Bella.

"No." Rosalie did not want them here. She wanted this finished now and wanted to make it up to Bella and I.

"Absolutely not," Bella agreed flatly.

"Nice." Jasper could respect the need to protect the one you love. He would do the exact same thing if it were Alice.

"Idiots." Alice was even less amused at being a tool in my plan. '_Or you could just accept fate and stop being a jackass!'_ she yelled back at me. Becoming a monster wasn't fate and she knew that.

Esme was fuming mad. She could only glare. She felt like I was trying to take her daughter away from her. The annoying part of me was rejoicing that she was already a daughter to her. I still hated that Edward.

Carlisle was still weighing the possibilities of my plan in his head. He knew the Italians best and was curious as to how they would react. He kept his opinion secret from me wanting to hear everyone else's first.

"All right, then. Edward has offered an alternative for you to consider. Let's vote." Bella turned to me first.

"Do you want me to join your family?" She phrased it exactly like that on purpose, I know she did. This wasn't about her joining the family; this was about her wanting to be a monster.

"Not that way. You're staying human."

"Alice?"

"Yes." _Suck it up Edward and stop fighting what you want. _

"Jasper?"

"Yes." He betrayed me! '_Sorry man. But she makes you happier than I have ever known you to be. I want you to have that forever. But I don't want to see her die like that; I understand your point with it. And I'm scared of what Alice will do to me if I say no. _

"Rosalie?"

She paused for a moment looking at us. "No." Bella began to move on and she stopped her. "Let me explain. I don't mean that I have any aversion to you as a sister. It's just that…this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone to vote no for me." Bella accepted her response. I knew what it meant to Rosalie to have the chance to say no. I was glad that she could do it for herself. She was still my favourite sister at the moment.

"Emmett?"

"Hell yes! We can find some other way to pick a fight with this Demetri." Both my brothers had betrayed me. I wasn't just pissed anymore, I was enraged. '_Dude, I love her like a sister. Things are just more fun when she is around and you know that. I'm bored of playing with the rest of you. All of you cheat after all this time.'_

"Yes, of course, Bella. I already think of you as part of my family." Esme's vote was no surprise

"Thank you Esme." Bella's body had relaxed more and more with everyone's vote but it tensed back up when she faced Carlisle.

"Edward." Carlisle said aloud. '_Everyone is right in choosing with her. She needs to become one of us."_

"No!" I growled.

"It's the only way that makes sense. You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice." I dropped Bella's hand and pushed away from the table snarling as I left the room.

I couldn't stay in that room full of traitors. Even though Rosalie had voted no, she was still a traitor. There was a part of me deep in my mind that was rejoicing that she was going to be with me forever. I punched him in the face. I really hated that corner of my mind right now. I knew that I wouldn't be able to hold this fury in for much longer out in the forest. I grabbed the new Samsung TV off the wall and ripped it in half. Emmett yelled at me in his mind but I didn't give. I was screaming in my head. _I didn't fight for her life for two years just to have her throw it away! I left her for no reason now! Doesn't she even love me? She can't make me go through that. Isabella has no idea what she is talking about. I can protect her from a nuclear attack if I needed too. I refuse to let her become a monster like me. _

"I guess you know my vote." Carlisle sighed heavily knowing how upset I was. '_We did this for you son.'_

Now I was pissed and enraged and enthralled. _They did this for me?! If they wanted to do something for me then they would have told her no! Am I the only one concerned with her life? I actually like human Bella. I don't think she needs to be improved upon!_

"Thanks." I heard Bella's worried voice. I wanted to stop scaring her, but I couldn't. She had never seen this side of me and I hoped she never would. This was the dark side that she protected me from. "That's all I needed. Thank you. For wanting to keep me. I feel exactly the same way about all of you, too." _Wanting to keep her? What like a pet? "Come; let's study the newborn Bella! Let's see how many of her loved ones she can kill on one hour! Let's see if she is a big of a monster as her boyfriend! He was the one who did this to her!" _ I grabbed on of the halves of the TV and crushed it to a ball. Using my full strength felt good and relieved some of the tension.

"Well, Alice. Where do you want to do this?" Bella just added all the tension back.

"No! _No_! NO!" I roared. I raced back into the room at top speed and stared down at her. She was only going to see me and hear me. My family didn't matter. I'm not even sure they are still my family. I hardly noticed as Esme staggered back from next to Bella to be behind Carlisle. "Are you insane? Have you utterly lost your mind?" I yelled my loudest.

"Um, Bella. I don't think I'm _ready_ for that. I'll need to prepare…" Alice was terrified of killing Bella and was even scared of the way I was acting now. No one had ever seen this. I wasn't even this mad that night in Port Angeles a year ago. At least then I had one direction for my rage. With everyone attacking me from all directions I couldn't do anything but explode.

"You promised," Bella reminded her around me. Acting like I wasn't there only made me more furious.

"I know, but…Seriously, Bella! I don't have any idea how to _not_ kill you."

"You can do it, I trust you," Bella tried to encourage her around my arm.

A loud snarl ripped through my chest and out of my mouth filling the room with the dark sound. I could see everyone back away and Alice shook her head in panic. Bella seemed to be the only one not phased. The deep corner loved that she could stand up to me in my darkest time. I punch him in the face again.

"Carlisle?" Bella turned to look at him. _No, she wasn't going to ignore me any longer_. I roughly grabbed her chin and forced her head around to look at me as I put my other hand up to stop Carlisle. Even in this rage filled moment my touch didn't break her. I still had control over some part of me. I loved her too much to hurt her. That was the reason for all of this. I loved her too much to watch her throw her existence away on me. In the dark recesses of the world people were begging my kind to bite them. This wasn't a black hole in a major city, this was my dinning room.

"I'm able to do it. You would be in no danger of me losing control," he said completely ignoring me. Something was wrong with how those words registered in my brain. I knew Carlisle would say them before he did, and yet there was something horribly wrong with it.

"Sounds good." I was holding her jaw just tight enough that it was difficult to understand what she said. But her dark brown pools started into my onyx eyes. I could see the horror of the look on my face and really tried to stop, but I just wasn't done yet. But I knew that I wasn't hurting her and that was what was the most important. And I still couldn't make sense of why this was so wrong. I knew it would come up, but there was still something out of place.

'_Edward! Stop this ridiculous behavior you're hurting her. Can't you see that this is what she wants? This is her way of protecting everyone even you. She doesn't want you to be put in a deadly situation. Why can't you accept that she wants to be with you forever? She wants you as much as you want her. It will only hurt her for three days and then she will be fine. The Bella you love will still be in there. Think of all the things you could share if she wasn't breakable. Think of it, your Bella holding your hand for the next hundred years. She'll never wither, she'll never age. You won't have to watch as she slowly dies. She is doing this for the both of you. You'll never have to say good bye again.' _ I wanted to block Alice. I wanted her to be wrong. I wanted Alice not to care. I wanted to not care.

But I couldn't. This almost needed to happen. But she doesn't need to be in that pain just yet. There is still a little more of human life that she can have.

'_Just let him bite her, bro,'_ Emmett added. That was it! I now completely understood what was wrong. Somewhere in my head I knew that Bella would always be changed, I didn't need Alice's visions to tell me that. I think I knew that even before I met her or possibly before she was born. What I didn't intend was that it would be anyone but me turning her. The only person in the world who was strong enough for it was Carlisle, but that wasn't right. She was my love, my life, my everything. I wanted my venom in her veins. I wanted us attached in just one more way. I wanted to be bound to Bella in every possible way for the rest of ever. I wanted to be bound to her from the start of time to the end of it.

But I couldn't put Isabella through that pain. At least not yet.

"Hold on. It doesn't have to be now," I said through a locked jaw. I understood my mind, but that didn't stop the anger boiling in my stomach.

"There's no reason for it not to be now," it was still hard to understand her but I didn't even think about it. I have spent so much time deciphering her sleep talking that this mumble meant nothing to me.

"I can think of a few." There was almost sarcasm in my voice, but not quite. I was serious about this and she needed to know that.

"Of course you can. Now let go of me." I forgot I was holding onto her face so tightly and quickly let go only to cross my arms across my chest in a manly fashion.

"In about two hours, Charlie will be here looking for you. I wouldn't put it past him to involve the police."

"All three of them," I had to fight to hold back the laughter from that. My body didn't want to deny it because it would be the first natural true laugh that would touch me in the longest of times.

"In the interest of remaining _inconspicuous_, I suggest that we put this conversation off, at the very least until Bella finishes high school, and moves out of Charlie's house."

"That's a very reasonable request, Bella." Finally Carlisle was siding with me. _'Very reasonable son. I'm glad to see that you are cooperating.'_

"I'll consider it," she said tensely. I knew that she didn't want me to win, but in no way was this victory. Merely a timeout to be addressed later on.

"I should probably take you home. Just in case Charlie wakes up early." _ Or you decide that you need something else from my vampire family,_ I thought dryly. I still wanted some time for just Bella and I to be together. We had been apart for so long that I wanted to keep her all to myself for a year to make up for it. I love her, what can I say?

"After graduation?" she asked my father

"You have my word." I knew that Carlisle's word was as good as any deity. He never went back on his word with any of us. I admired that about him.

"Okay. You can take me home."

_Silly Bella, you are home, with me._ I punched that Edward in the face again. He just wasn't getting the message.

But Bella would. I wanted to be the one to change Bella, but I had a few conditions to be met first.

* * *

**Good gracious, what will he do next!**

**So my lovely readers, I have one request other than please review. I have a poll on my page about what I should write next. Please pop by and click the buttons. Just half a tick to do it and I will do what you want! Or at least what the majority of you want. I will probably start work on 'it' next week. **

**Quote of the Chapter: "Be still when you have nothing to say; when genuine passion moves you, say what you've got to say, and say it hot." D.H. Lawrence. **

**Are you seeing a pattern in these quotes? Good. I thought you might. I'll put up the ones for the rest of the chapters next time since I know it won't be a long chapter. Don't worry I already have it started so it shouldn't take nearly as long as before. Like I said, sorry about that. **

**I feel like an ass for not responding to all of your reviews. I just get so caught up in the rest of life that I forget who has gotten a response and who hasn't. Please accept my apology for my behavior and I promise to return them this time and maybe with a preview, should I get one ready soon enough!  
**

**Love you all!  
Jingles for the Storm.  
**


	5. The Loving Breeze

**Whoa, it's the end.**

**Alright, love to Slimjimjerky, Edward's Little Vampire, Edward's Necrophiliac, IncomCorporation, xomrscullenxo, Midnight Freesia, courthale, and McVampy. You guys seriously kick butt and deserve little 4in high Edwards to run around your places of residence. And love to everyone who has commented, favourited, and alerted. You guys make this rock. **

**Songs:  
Samson by Regina Spektor  
All Around Me by Flyleaf  
She's Always A Woman by Billy Joel  
Everything by Lifehouse  
Beauty of Uncertainty by KT Tunstall  
No Bravery by James Blunt  
Iris by Goo Goo Dolls**

GOD I HOPE THIS IS GOOD!  


* * *

It was completely silent as we ran home. I don't even think I heard the animals around me running away from me. The only sounds were my Bella's heart and my feet hitting the solid ground.

I needed to think, I needed to pace. I didn't slow my rate down until I was putting Bella safely on her bed.

I could tell that she was suspicious when she saw that I wasn't angry. I was speculative and allowing myself to fall into the deep recesses of my mind.

_Bella has to become a vampire. Even though I still would choose something different, she won't. Leaving her human will cause her the same pain as leaving her. I know her that much. But I have to give her time; she still doesn't understand what she is asking for. _

"Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work," She interrupted my thoughts. She was bored of watching me walk back and forth barely making any sound.

"Shh. I'm thinking." _I can't let Carlisle's venom be the venom to do it. That just isn't good enough. It has to be mine because I love her. But I am not strong enough to do it. __But maybe she doesn't want your venom?_Rationalized another mental Edward. _Right, ask her what she wants and if it is I then I have to make her wait. I want there to be the bonds of humanity between us before the bonds of a vampire. _

"Ugh." She threw her bed sheets over her head in frustration. When I noticed that she was gone from my direct line of sight my whole body went into frenzy. I had to find her. It was like a cat trying to paw to get at its favourite toy. I could hear her heart and feel her heat, but I couldn't see her.

I grabbed the top edge of her bed sheets and ripped them off of her as I lay down on her bed. I brushed her hair out of her face as I started talking, "If you don't mind, I'd much rather you didn't hide your face. I've lived without it for as long as I can stand. Now…tell me something."

"What?" she answered tensely, fearing what it was that I had to say.

"If you could have anything in the world, anything at all, what would it be?"

"You." Good answer, but not the one I was looking for.

"Something you don't already have," I clarified.

She held for a moment, really thinking about what it was that I meant. "I would want…Carlisle not to have to do it. I would want _you_ to change me." I loved that once again her and I were of the same mind. _I love you Bella_.

"What would you be willing to trade for that?" Now I was playing my A game. Time was key.

"Anything!" she answered hastily, and then she thought better of what she said. I loved knowing and feeling that she would do anything to be with me forever. I smiled at her tenacity but then composed myself for the negotiations.

"Five years?" Her face immediately dropped and it looked like she had eaten something truly sour. I could see the disgust and it made me sad, but I had to push my point. "You said anything."

"Yes but…you'll use the time to find a way out of it. I have to strike while the iron is hot. Besides, it's just too dangerous to be human—for me, at least. So anything but _that_." _Could she really think so little of me? _Well she wasn't far from the truth_. _But I would never let anything hurt her again. _I wish I could let her see that this is what I really want._

"Three years?" I tried.

"No!" she yelled in a whisper. I had almost forgotten that there was a sleeping Charlie not twenty feet from us.

"Isn't it worth anything to you at all?" If I played dirty she might side with me. _No she won't moron. You know what a stubborn firecracker she is._

"Six months?" she tried. At least she understood how this was going to go.

"Not good enough." There was no way in heaven earth or anywhere else that I would learn to hold my bloodlust enough to _not_ kill her. I needed time to get control over ever molecule of my body so I didn't kill her.

"One year, then. That's my limit."

"At least give me two." _This would go a lot easier if I told her what this meant to me. But that would be forfeiting and I still have one card to play. _

"No way. Nineteen I'll do. But I'm not going anywhere _near_ twenty. If you're staying in your teens forever, then so am I." _ What a weird concern?_

"All right. Forget time limits. If you want me to be the one—then you'll just have to meet one condition." _This is my coup de grâce. The one thing I have wanted since I loved her. The one thing that I will always want. The one thing that she could always hold over me. _

"Condition? What condition?" She wasn't expecting me to change my fighting technique and I could tell it from her face.

"Marry me first." Of all the times that I saw myself proposing to Bella, I never imagined it would be while we were negotiating in her bed early in the morning. I had wanted to do this at twilight, or standing on the edge of the ocean, or in our meadow under a clear starry night. Not while she still had morning-breath. I wanted to kneel before her and promise her the world and eternity and everything in between. _At least it was a dawn._

"Okay. What's the punch line?" _Talk about your punch to the groin_, Cynical Edward commented.

"You're wounding my ego, Bella. I just proposed to you, and you think it's a joke."

"Edward, please be serious."

"I am one hundred percent serious." There wasn't a trace of humor in my entire body. Not a single dead cell was laughing. Even all the thoughts in my head were serious about this.

"Oh, c'mon. I'm only eighteen." She sounded hysterical and sad. She looked out the window behind me as I talked. I didn't like having her not look at me. My breath hitched when I couldn't see into her eyes. I could tell she was scared; to be frank I was too in the smallest amount. But we would be doing this together and that gave me all the courage in the world.

"Well, I'm nearly a hundred and ten. It's time I settles down."

"Look, marriage isn't exactly that high on my list of priorities, you know? It was sort of the kiss of death for Renée and Charlie."

"Interesting choice of words," I said slightly sarcastic and amused.

"You know what I mean."

I had to take a deep breath before I addressed the thought that I was trying to hide from. "Please don't tell me that you're afraid of commitment." I couldn't believe that this would be going through her head but everything she was saying pointed to this. _We learn from out parents. _

"That's not it exactly. I'm…afraid of Renée. She has some really intense opinions on getting married before you're thirty."

"Because she'd rather you become one of the eternal damned than get married." I had to laugh darkly that it would be what any mother would want for her daughter over getting married to the man she loves.

"You think your joking."

"Bella, if you compare the level of commitment between a marital union as opposed to bartering your soul in exchange for an eternity as a vampire…" I could see from her face that I wasn't getting anywhere with this plan so I changed tactics in the middle. "If you're not brave enough to marry me, then—"

"Well, what if I did? What if I told you to take me to Vegas now? Would I be a vampire in three days?" She was trying to out play me, and it wasn't going to work. She had a horrible bluffing face. _ Something I hope that will improve once she changes so she can play poker like Emmett wants her too. _

"Sure. I'll get my car." I smiled widely at her and her kitten antics.

"Dammit. I'll give you eighteen months."

"No deal. I like _this_ condition." I couldn't hide the large boyish grin on my face. I was just too happy that I was winning when I wanted to. I let her win our arguments far too often.

"Fine. I'll have Carlisle do it when I graduate." She tried once more to out play me. But I knew her heart as well as she did, I think.

"If that's what you really want," I taunted.

"You're impossible. A monster." I laughed and she groaned. _What an interesting choice of words for her. _

"Is that why you won't marry me?" She groaned again. "_Please_, Bella?" I asked turning the full power of my eyes on her. It truly felt wonderful to dazzle her again. It was an amazing feeling playing with the heart of an angel, but in a good way. She shook her head trying to pass off the effects of our love.

"Would this have gone better if I'd had time to get a ring?" It was almost a sarcastic comment, almost.

"No! No ring!" she shouted it and I heard Charlie wake up.

"Now you've done it," I whispered to her reminding her how we were talking.

"Oops," she said innocently. I think I just feel in love with her even more. That was her own vengeance for my dazzling her.

"Charlie's getting up; I'd better leave." I didn't want to leave and when I heard Bella's heart freeze completely I understood that those last three words should never be said again as long as I exist. I glanced around her room and noticed her closet. "Would it be childish of me to hide in your closet, then?"

"No. Stay. Please." She sighed as her heart started up again. I smiled sweetly at her and ran into the closet.

I waited for Charlie to walk into the room and I saw her sit up full on her bed, a million thoughts running through her head. I knew that she knew I was playing dirty, and I didn't mind. She looked so beautiful sitting on her bed running her hands through her hair groaning over me. I heard Charlie on the other side of the door and he pushed it open.

"Morning, Dad," she addressed with mock pleasantness.

"Oh, hey, Bella. I didn't know you were awake," he said sheepishly. _She looks pleasant for just having another screaming nightmare. I was hoping at the very least that with the boy being back that those would stop, at least for tonight._

I cringed remembering the memories others had over her nightmares when she woke up screaming. She was still my Isabella Marie Swan, but I could see the difference in her physique. I could tell from her eyes that she suffered from insomnia.

She started to get up, "Yeah. I've just been waiting for you to wake up so I could take a shower." Surprising that she was getting better at lying to her father, and yet it was impossible to pass anything off on me.

"Hold on. Let's talk for a minute first." Charlie stepped fully into the room and turned the lights on. I could see Bella blinking as her irises contracted. _Remember to be firm Charles._ We all coaxed ourselves in our head when around Bella. "You know you're in trouble."

"Yeah, I know." She grimaced and I remembered that we hadn't asked Alice for an excuse. I didn't even take the time to sort through her head to see if she had one. I was a little busy at the time breaking expensive furniture and trying not to break the entire house in half.

"I just about went crazy these last three days. I come home from Harry's _funeral_, and you're gone. Jacob could only tell me that you'd run off with Alice Cullen, and that he thought you were in trouble. You didn't leave me a number, and you didn't call. I didn't know where you were or when—or if—you were coming back. Do you have any idea how…how…" he paused to bring in his breath trying to calm his heart. I heard that it was beating off the charts. I knew Bella didn't want him to give himself a heart attack over her. I suddenly wished I had Jasper's ability so I could calm him down for her sake. "Can you give me one reason why I shouldn't ship you off to Jacksonville this second?"

Over. My. Burnt. Body.

"Because I won't go." That's my girl! She had squared off her shoulders and mustered up her fighting skills that weren't spent on me. He was not going to take my fiancée from me.

"Now wait just one minute, young lady—" _If she thinks she can control me after this little excursion then she has got another thing coming._ Charlie really hasn't learned much about good parenting. I have heard it a thousand times. The second a parent threatens their child like that they loose all power and respect from the child. He's fighting for the bad parenting award.

"Look, Dad, I accept complete responsibility for my actions, and you have the right to ground me for as long as you want. I will also do all the chores and laundry and dishes until you think I've learned my lesson. And I guess you're within your rights if you want to kick me out, too—but that won't make me go to Florida."

_I AM HER FATHER! SHE DOESN'T HAVE THE RIGHT OR THE POSITION TO MAKE THIS DECISION. _ He calmed himself down before he responded to her. In his mind he was still fuming though. "Would you like to explain where you've been?"

_If Charlie doesn't calm himself, I'll step in, I swear I will. _

"There was…an emergency." I could see through the crack in the door that her mind was working a mile a second trying to cover. She had improved on lying, but she still wasn't the best. "I don't know what to tell you, Dad. It was mostly a misunderstanding. He said, she said. It got out of hand." I could tell that he wasn't falling for it. She was going to have to get more descriptive if he was going to buy it. _I wish I could step in there for her. Not that I have any better ideas on what to say. _ "See, Alice told Rosalie about me jumping off the cliff…" _No Bella no that! _I screamed in my head hoping it would get to hers. Charlie's whole mind froze. He wasn't angry, surprised, shocked or scared. He wasn't anything.

"I guess I didn't tell you about that. It was nothing. Just messing around, swimming with Jake. Anyway, Rosalie told Edward, and he was upset. She sort of accidentally made it sound like I was trying to kill myself or something. He wouldn't answer his phone, so Alice dragged me to…L.A., to explain in person." She shrugged trying to pass off her slip up but I knew too well that it wouldn't work. Charlie hadn't really heard anything past 'jumping off the cliff'.

"_Were_ you trying to kill yourself, Bella?" he said scared like a child. _I missed all the signs. The doctors told me to watch out for suicide and I didn't see it coming. I couldn't take care of my daughter when she needed me most._

An interesting thought. I would have never blamed Charlie if Bella had tried to kill herself. It would have been a failure on both our parts. The two men that she thought would never fail her would have. Interesting.

"No, of course not. Just having fun with Jake. Cliff diving. The La Push kids do it all the time. Like I said, nothing." She tried to blow it off and Charlie believed her. He went from worry to fury in nothing flat.

"What's it to Edward Cullen anyway? All this time he's just left you dangling without a word—" _That worthless slimy shallow bastard!_ Still not what I deserve. I could see Bella flinch slightly from his words. Talking about me leaving left both of us fragile, pinning only for each other. It took all my control to not walk out of that closet and pull her to my chest to assure her that I loved her and that I wasn't going to leave again.

"Another misunderstanding." She clarified. I don't think Charlie even noticed that his words scared her. But I heard the confidence she had in her voice.

"So is he back then?" He flushed again and his mind was another string of profanities all against me. He still hadn't let go of the idea of shooting me.

"I'm not sure what the exact plan is. I _think_ they all are." I swear if she doubts me again I am going to superglue myself to her side so I can never leave, even though I am stronger than superglue.

"I want you to stay away from him, Bella. I don't trust him. He's rotten for you. I won't let him mess you up like that again." He was a year late for warning her against me. _Better late than never_ I thought dryly.

"Fine."

What?

"Oh. I thought you were going to be difficult." He said relieved that she was siding with him. I had no idea what was going on.

"I am. I meant, 'Fine, I'll move out.'" She said in perfect defiance. I was going to have to buy a bed for her. I really honestly felt bad that she was fighting with her own father over me. For all the trouble I have caused I really wasn't worth this much. I really, really can't take her away from her family, from her world. I tried that once and it didn't really work.

"Dad, I don't _want_ to move out. I love you. I know you're worried, but you need to trust me on this. And you're going to have to ease up on Edward if you want me to stay. Do you want me to live here or now?" she said trying to soothe him.

"That's not fair, Bella. You know I want you to stay." He could tell that he was losing the battle again.

"Then be nice to Edward, because he's going to be where I am." Both Charlie and I could hear the conviction and confidence in her voice, only we had different reactions. It upset him and made me swell with pride and adoration.

"Not under my roof!" he stormed back. This was where the weaker opponent submits to desperation. I had read it a thousand times and had seen it almost as many.

She sighed heavily still keeping her calm, "Look, I'm not going to give you any more ultimatums tonight—or I guess it's this morning. Just think about it for a few days, okay? But keep in mind that Edward and I are sort of a package deal."

"Bella—" he warned. The loser always wants to fight longer to make up their losses.

"Think it over. And while you're doing that, could you give me some privacy? I _really_ need a shower." My wondrous Bella was so diplomatic and brave. I couldn't be more proud of her, even if that pride came with an ocean of guilt. All of their problems were because of me and I hated it. I couldn't leave, but I wish I could do something to make it better. I felt so helpless.

Charlie was holding his breath and his anger as he thudded out of the room and down the stairs slamming her door with all his might. I felt the whole house shiver a little.

I walked out of the closet and sat my rocking chair as she threw the covers back fully.

"Sorry about that," she whispered to me.

"It's not as if I don't deserve far worse. Don't start anything with Charlie over me, please." I murmured still half lost in my thoughts of guilt and self-loathing. Her entire relationship with her father could crumble because of me and my jackass decision to leave her. Marriage can't fix that mistake, no matter how I wish it could.

"Don't worry about it. I will start exactly as much as is necessary, and no more than that. Or are you trying to tell me I have nowhere to go?" she asked with false alarm

"You'd move in with a house full of vampires?" I said even though it didn't surprise me in the lease.

"That's probably the safest place for someone like me. Besides…If Charlie kicks me out, then there's no need for the graduation deadline, is there?" Did she use 'deadline' on purpose? Knowing how clever my Bella is she probably did.

"So eager for eternal damnation," I muttered still not happy about the situation with her father. I knew how short life really is and she was wasting it fighting over me with her blood family. As much as I hate it, Charlie should mean more to her than I do. Nothing means more to me that she does, but I can think of a few things that are higher than me.

"You know you don't really believe that."

"Oh, don't I?" I charged back. I was trying to calm down, but I couldn't. I was pissed at myself.

"No. You don't." I frowned at her and was about to fight back when she started up. "If you really believed that you'd lost your soul, then when I found you in Volterra, you would have realized immediately what was happening, instead of thinking we were both dead together. But you didn't—you said '_Amazing, Carlisle was right._' There's hope in you, after all," she said proud of her discovery.

Once again Bella Swan completely blew me out of the water. But this time I had no response ready for her. She remembered it as perfectly as I did. She just proved me, to me.

"So let's just be hopeful, all right?" Every Edward in my mind had nothing to say, all except the smug Edward who was getting what he wanted. That Edward was laughing at the rest of them with a cocky grin on. "Not that it matters. If you stay, I don't need heaven." It's easy to say that I was completely floored by the woman before me. She truly, honestly, really didn't want to have any form of life without me. There is no word in any language ever that could describe how much I loved her and how devoted I was to everything about her.

I crossed the room in two strides and gently put my hands on her warm smiling face.

"Forever," I declared still taken back by what she had said to me.

"That's all I'm asking for." She stretched up on her toes with her clean clothes and shower bag in her hands and kissed me with all that she had.

She dropped down and walked out of her room closing the door behind her with a little hop in her step. I still couldn't say anything in my frozen posture.

I think my fiancée just pwned me.

* * *

**"Passion makes the world go round. Love just makes it a safer place." ~Ice T**

_**PLEASE GO VOTE IN MY POLL!!! It takes half a tick to do it. It works now don't worry. **_

**I don't plan on continueing, but if you want the epilogue, then tell me to do it in a lovely review with smiley faces. **

**I pushed this out as best as I could bc I am leaving for California in one hour so I am not confident about it. But I love you guys for sticking with me through this and sending me your love and support. Please fill my email with love while I am gone and I will get back at everyone over the weekend when I get home. Mad love to you strangers and your awesomeness. Mad love to Stephenie Meyers. **

**~Jingles for the Storm 3  
P.S. Check out my fav list for those authors and the KICK ASS stories they have written.  
**


	6. Epilogue

**Quick note: Half of it is straight from the book. I copied it and all that jazz, but then I went "Seriously I want there to be more," so I added more. There is a line going through between what we all know and what I wrote. If you only want the stuff from the book stop there and review, if you want more, keep going. **

**The album _Season of Poison by Shiny Toy Guns_ was playing so go put it on.  
Along with _Here comes the Night_ by Rob Thomas. **

**Just remember I don't own it or the poem and get reading. I don't want to hold it back anymore!**

* * *

My sun was shinning again. My stars were twinkling again. My ocean was no longer frozen. I finally had meaning again.

I never noticed, but before Isabella Swan came into my life I didn't have a purpose. I had things that I enjoyed and I had my family but I had no need for existence. I tried my hardest not to be a monster but I never knew why.

Now I know. Now I know everything. I know why flowers opened in spring. I know why the sun rose each morning with bright colors and set each night with deep colors. I know why birds fly and fish swim. I know why songs followed the tunes they do. Everything does anything for love. And I do all things for Bella.

The world that Forks Washington lived in accepted the Cullens back with a little griping. The hospital was more than welcoming with Carlisle and the furniture stores were grateful to have Esme back and Emmett's clumsy body. The testosterone filled humans were glad to have Rosalie back. All the fashion stores from here to Portland were glad to have Alice back. Girls were glad to have Jasper's blonde beauty back. And Bella was elated to have me home.

Charlie was less enthused. He set strict rules for when I was to be with her, and we found every way around them. He entertained the thought of killing me for a month or so, but when he saw that Bella was eating and sleeping again he let it go. He still watched me like a hawk, but he was immensely relieved to have his Bella back and was grateful that I could do it even if he never said it out loud.

Music once again flowed from my fingers. Bella came over often just to sit next to me and listen to me play. The world just made so much more sense when I could put it into musical notes. I even started on a new verse for the Lullaby. It was a verse of courage and hope and love and eventually pride. Isabella was brave for coming after me and because of it we had hope and love and I was so proud of her.

I was there the day she pulled the books off her top shelf and placed them back where they belong next to her bed. She sighed a heavy, yet freeing sigh when she no longer had to look at them in contempt.

We visited our meadow together every chance that we could. She tried her best not to upset Charlie and I was happy to go along with her plans even if it kept us locked in the house. But that first day we went back was so…nice. To see Bella walk back into the field of flowers and soft grasses made my chest expand with love and freedom. This would always be the Bella that I loved, the one that no one saw but me. The one that could stand up for everything that she loved but could also sit back and let someone else protect her for once. The Bella that could recite all of _Wuthering Heights_ and _Pride & Prejudice_ but forgot important historical dates. The Bella that could fight with mythical creatures and humans all in the name of righteousness. I learned of the faces that she had put up while I was gone and each one tried to kill me a little more. But when we were laying in the grass together she got to be the one person that she always truly was. We would stare up at the changing sky for hours and sometimes she slept on my chest and other times she would play with my hands or my hair. Either way, any way, I was euphoric to be back in the place that had given me such peace with my one true love.

Bella's nightmares had mostly gone away. There were still a few nights that she cried out and they killed me, but I always called back. Countless hours went by in her waking and sleep when I would just hold her too my chest. I loved feeling her heartbeat flowing through my body as if we were physically joined. Every time she saw me, even if she was coming back from the other room, her face would shine with a heart-lifting smile. I would return with a 'dazzling' smile and would pull her into my arms.

I still ached like hell every time that I left her. I even pondered bringing her with me on my hunts, but Carlisle calmly reminded me that having my Bella around those wild animals wasn't safe for anyone. The beast within the man never thought of taking Bella's blood though. He was meant to protect her not kill her.

Bella and I never talked about why I left again. Life picked up as if I had never left. I was slowly coming to my senses about Bella becoming a vampire, it was a horrible disgusting idea, but I never told her that I also liked it. She only saw my adversity to it and my pleasure to her becoming my wife. But I made sure that I told her I loved her at least three times an hour in some form. I was never going to giver her the chance to begin thinking about doubting my bottomless adoration for her.

I hated the idea of taking Bella's life from her. I couldn't damn her to a Hell as deep as the dark shadow of night. It was so true that I wanted her with me eternally, but I could never steal her soul from her. It was a thought so terrible that I could hardly bear to think it around her. She was filled with so much pride that she had gone around me, but it only made me feel more disgusting and pathetic. If I really wanted to protect Bella then I wouldn't let her make me give in. But damn it I wanted it too deep within me. But I still hated it and myself like I hated all those murderers and rapists that I killed decades ago.

But in equal aversion I was elated that she had agreed to marrying me. I would soon be able to call the love of my entire universe by my last name. The world would know that she belonged with me and only me. We still hadn't quite worked up to telling anyone other than my family, but I knew that it was only a matter of time, and not much of it. I knew that she was still scared of the idea because of the marriage her parents held, but I knew that she held faith in us. Not even Death could separate our marriage. Not even God could separate our marriage.

My family was beyond overjoyed to have my Bella back. Alice had her best friend back. Emmett had his entertainment back. Jasper had the happiness back. Carlisle had his study subject back. Esme had her newest daughter and her son back. And Rosalie; Rosalie felt eternally indebted and awed by my Bella. She didn't like that Bella wanted to become one of us, but she was learning to love her like a sister. That was more than I could ever have asked for. I had seen my family grow and had been with them the entire time, and never had I seen them so happy.

Everything in the world seemed like it was falling perfectly back into place, except for one minor detail. Jacob Black.

"Billy said he didn't _want_ to talk to me. That he was there, and wouldn't walk three steps to get to the phone! Usually Billy just says he's out or busy or sleeping or something. I mean, it's not like I didn't know he was lying to me, but at least it was a polite way to handle it. I guess Billy hates me now, too. It's not fair!" I was taking Bella home from work today, where she had tried calling Jacob Black to talk to him. Ever since she ran off to save me he hasn't said a word to her.

"It's not you, Bella. Nobody hates you," I replied calmly. I never let her see how much it killed me to know that she was thinking about him so much. I will forever have the fear that she will decide that my stone cold body isn't what she wants, and will run to him. It was my fault that she had to turn to him, and I knew that I was going to pay for it until we all died.

"Feels that way," she mumbled looking out her window.

"Jacob knows we're back, and I'm sure that he's ascertained that I'm with you. He won't come anywhere near me. The enmity is rooted too deeply." I felt horrible that Bella was sucked into a hatred that started almost a century ago. But leave it to my Bella who would want to be on both sides trying to make peace.

"That's stupid. He knows you're not…like other vampires." _The whole world could know and the world wouldn't change a damn thing for her._

"There's still good reason to keep a safe distance." I just wanted to take the pain away from her. I also wanted to thank him, and then get rid of my competition. "Bella we are what we are. I can control myself, but I doubt he can. He's very young. It would most likely turn into a fight, and I don't know if I could stop it before I k—," I stopped quickly and restarted before she noticed my slip, "Before I hurt him. You would be unhappy. I don't want that to happen."

She turned to glare at me with her big doe eyes. I could hear her heart rate picking up and I flinched knowing the anger of my precious kitten. "Edward Cullen. Were you about to say '_killed him_'? Were you?"

I looked away from her not wanting to hurt her feelings anymore. I pulled forward slowly trying to keep the situation calm. "I would try…very hard…not to do that."

"Well, nothing like that is ever going to happen, so there's no reason to worry about it. And you know Charlie's staring at the clock right now. You'd better get me home before I get in more trouble for being late." She was trying to diffuse the situation but I could hear her heart beating a little off because she was scared.

But we were close enough to her house that I knew that there was a somewhat probable reason for her to be intimidated. Charlie was screaming in his head at Bella and coming up with various punishments for when she would get home. I wasn't sure what had happened but I knew it wasn't good and that it involved Jacob Black.

"You're already in more trouble, Bella." My rage at Jacob Black was building again. This was a low I didn't know he was capable of. I could just begin to hear his mental voice and he was panicking about what he would say to us.

"What? What is it?" she distracted me by grabbing my arm. She was probably jumping to the worst possible scenario, but frankly this might not end out very good either.

"Charlie…" I started

"My dad?" I could hear the frantic panic in her voice and I looked down at her. She was scared beyond belief and was squeezing the life out of my arm, or something like it.

"_I would never physically hurt my daughter, but this might be the exception! I thought she was smarter than this. I don't know who to hate more, Cullen for leaving her or Jacob for letting her ride a motorcycle" _yelled Charlie in his mind as we pulled down the street.

"Charlie…is probably _not_ going to kill you, but he's thinking about it."

"What did I do?" she asked shocked. I could see her wracking her brain through all of our actions the past few days and couldn't come up with anything.

I looked back up at the cherry colored motorcycle sitting next to Chief Swan's cruiser and she followed my line of sight. I watched her as all her muscles dropped in defeat. Seeing my sweet angel in this pain of betrayal only inspired more unadulterated rage in me.

"No! _Why?_ Why would Jacob do this to me?" she breathed. I could see her tiny tear ducts produce extra saline tears to pour from her eyes. I didn't want to be the one to tell her why. I didn't want to hurt her even more, even if it wasn't directly my fault. Everything bad that happened to her since she moved here was somehow my fault, but this time it wasn't directly my fault. I still felt the guilt though.

She took a deep breath and said, "Is he still here?" in a hard unforgiving tone. I didn't like seeing Bella as cold as stone, but I knew that this had to play itself out. Jacob Black had something to say to me.

"Yes. He's waiting for us there," I nodded toward the break in the trees that made up the forest surround her house.

Suddenly she unlatched her seatbelt and jumped out of the car, sprinting towards the forest. Luckily I grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to my chest before she made the situation even worse.

"Let me go! I'm going to murder him! _Traitor!_" she screamed at the trees and I knew he heard her. Who I didn't want to hear her was Charlie. I wanted to get this taken care of before she had to deal with her father. Preferably I would have rather given her to her father and then talked to Jacob, but things just didn't work out like that, not when my Bella is involved.

"Charlie will hear you. And once he gets you inside, he may brick over the doorway," I warned her with a very real threat from Charlie's mind. He was now creating clever ways to trap her inside until she graduated. One of them even involved a mote, but he didn't know where he could get crocodiles at a low cost. I guessed Emmett would get a kick out of that idea and I would have to tell him later.

She looked back at the house for a moment then back to the woods. "Just give me one round with Jacob, and then I'll deal with Charlie," she tried to break free of my grasp but I wasn't going to have that. Not with an angry volatile young werewolf nearby and an incoherent father fuming with anger and fear.

"Jacob Black wants to see _me._ That's why he's still here." I tried to clarify things for her hoping that she would calm down just a little. My own calmness was a complete joke being put on only for her sake. I knew that she still liked young Jacob Black and I didn't want to upset her by taking my jealousy out on his fur-ridden hide.

"Talk?" she asked and I could see the fear spark in her eyes again. Her body also stiffened as she looked squarely into my eyes.

"More or less." I avoided the answer not wanting to lie to her. I knew that if she weren't next to me that he would try to go a few rounds after he spat his venom at me. _If only I could prove how deadly my venom is. _

"How much more?" she asked with a breathy and shaky voice. It was then that his mental plan became peaceful again. He was trying to calm himself down and I appreciated it.

I cradled her face in my hands trying to calm her down again. "Don't worry, he's not here to fight me. He's acting as…spokesperson for the pack."

"Oh." Once again her mind began to work out possible scenarios for what was going to happen. None of us could be sure about what was coming but I had to hold onto the hope for the best or my rage would consume me.

"_I swear if that girl doesn't walk through that door in five minutes I'm going out there guns ablaze to hunt her down,"_ Charlie's hollow threats were getting annoying at this point. I did know that he had no problem getting in his car to hunt for us though.

"We should hurry. Charlie's getting impatient." I grabbed onto my peaceful anchor a little tighter and pulled her towards the forest. Jacob could now hear us walking in the woods and quieted his mind instantly, probably just to annoy the life out of me. I chuckled at my dark internal joke.

When we walked close enough to see the behemoth of a teen clearly I stopped and pushed Bella behind me to protect her. I was already regretting bringing her out here. I knew she would just rile him up further, and it wouldn't even be my angel's fault that he was more stressed with her there. I understood what it was like be without Isabella; I didn't even want to contemplate her being with another man.

_Like she needs protecting from me you bloodsucking Hell-bound monstrous leech,_ he said mentally while sneering at me. It took great control to not show my hatred across my face.

_But I won't scare or alienate Bella, not after I just got her back_, I reminded myself.

"Bella." Jacob said looking at me, challenging me, and using her against me. He was almost saying that he was going to pull her from me. He was waiting to prove what a monster I really was to convince Bella to stay away from me and be with him.

"Why? How could you do this to me Jacob?" I could hear her broken heart in her whisper and it honestly made me more enraged. I hated when _anyone_ hurt Bella in anyway. Knowing that Jacob Black had hurt Bella only fueled the inferno raging millimeters beneath my skin.

"It's for the best." I knew that he had just made his mistake. He made a choice for Bella, and I knew all to well how she handled those situations. She hated it when I did that for her, even if I did know what was best.

"What is _that_ supposed to mean? Do you want Charlie to _strangle_ me? Or did you want him to have a heart attack like Harry? No matter how mad you are at me, how could you do this to _him_?" I saw Jacob wince at her hard accusations. Her hand was gripping me with what I knew was her death grip, but it felt like nothing to me.

_I would never try to hurt Charlie. Especially after what happened to Mr. Clearwater. I don't think Dad could handle that. God my stupid ideas just keep pilling up all I wanted was to get her grounded to keep her away from the satanic parasite._ His mind continued on in his self-pity and contempt.

I desperately wanted to roll my eyes when he called me satanic. _Yes the boy, whose father for the past ninety years who was the son of a pastor was in fact a Satan worshiper. _ But instead of countering I did the next best thing and told Bella what he was thinking.

"He didn't want to hurt anyone—he just wanted to you grounded, so that you wouldn't be allowed to spend time with me," I said to her softly explaining what was going on in Jacob Blacks head. His eyes tried to pierce through mine with their hated. But two could play at that game.

"Aw, Jake! I'm _already_ grounded! Why do you think I haven't been down to La Push to kick your butt for avoiding my phone calls?" _Was that really all she wants to hate him for? Maybe she loves him more that I thought she did._

"That's why?" Jacob Black asked her breaking the eye contact with me. He quickly locked his body down again. _I always thought it was the leech that was holding her captive not Charlie. _

"He thought _I_ wouldn't let you, not Charlie." I liked to say his thoughts; it kept me ahead in our little game of masculinity and wits. Normally I hate invading into a person's mind, but I wanted this over and done with so bad and I hated him so much that I didn't care. I was letting Bella have her peace with him now before he and I wrapped up business.

"Stop that," he snapped at me. I could feel his anger rolling off him and when he had one great violent spasm, I carefully stepped further in from of Bella. This was getting bad and fast. He tightened all his muscles even more when I thought it wasn't possible to try and regain his composure. "Bella wasn't exaggerating about your…abilities. So you must already know why I'm here."

"Yes. But before you begin, I need to say something." I answered calmly. I wanted to diffuse the situation, but I had some peace to speak too.

_What do you want cretin?_ He asked.

"Thank you. I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am. I will owe you for the rest of my…existence." He looked at me waiting for me to explain further. I was trying to keep calm and I knew talking about Bella was the key to that. I had to keep her in the front of my thoughts. _As if I didn't already_. "For keeping Bella alive. When I…didn't." I could hear the passion and emotion in my voice and I hoped that it would help my offence.

"Edward--," she choked out looking up at me with love in her eyes. I held my hand out to stop her for the moment. I need to talk to Jacob. She already knew everything that went through my head.

"I didn't do it for your benefit," he snapped; _though you're taking it anyway_ he finished in his mind.

"I know. But that doesn't erase the gratitude I feel. I thought you should know. If there's ever anything in my power to do for you…"

_Leave her then. Fall into a hole that leads straight to Hell and rot there for eternity so she can be with me._ He raised a black eyebrow as if that made his offer any more appealing to me.

His demand did not surprise me. "That's not in my power." _And it makes me want to break every bone in you body just so you understand that you can't pry us apart. _

"Whose, then?" Jacob growled at us. I could feel how badly he wanted me gone but it was nothing compared to how much I loved Bella.

"Hers. I'm a quick learner, Jacob Black, and I don't make the same mistake twice. I'm here until she orders me away." I looked down into the deep pools of brown slowly losing myself in them. All of time could have passed us by and we wouldn't have noticed.

"Never," she said looking directly into my eyes promising my soul that we would never part. Jacob was saying crude things in his mind promising to take her from me. Looking deep into her eyes, it honestly didn't matter what he said to me.

Bella looked away from me and glared at Jacob. "Was there something else you needed, Jacob? You wanted me in trouble—mission accomplished. Charlie might just send me to military school. But that won't keep me away from Edward. There's nothing that can do _that_. What more do you want?"

_I want your heart,_ he answered. I growled so low that she couldn't hear it but I knew that Jacob Black could.

"I just needed to remind your bloodsucking friends of a few key points in the treaty they agreed to. The treaty that is the only thing stopping me from ripping his throat out right this minute." _And I would do it leech, and I would take Bella back after I did. _

I rolled my eyes at an instant speed at his over dramatic tendencies. But his words lit a fire in me that hadn't sparked since the Volturi threatened Isabella. But I didn't want to upset her by telling or even hinting at what he said.

"We haven't forgotten." I answered tersely but at the same time Bella asked, "What key points?" _She is honestly trying to make it as difficult as possible to protect her. Why must she feed into him even more?"_

His mind smirked at me as he answered her, "The treaty is quite specific. If any of them bite a human, the truce is over. _Bite_, not kill." _She can never be with you forever so why don't you just give up now and hand her over._

I frantically wanted to jump away from Isabella and rip him to pieces and burn them even though he isn't a vampire. _Isabella Marie Swan is not an item to be bartered._

End. Of. Discussion.

I could feel Bella's face turn hard and emotionless. "That's none of your business."

"The hell it—" Bella's words lit a fire in him and he was screaming in his mind at me, at the world. He curled down on himself and clenched his body together to hold it in. Watching him, I began to feel sorry for him. All this time I hated him for trying to take Bella from me but I never stopped to think how this must physically hurt him. But I knew that he hadn't imprinted on her no matter how hard he tried too. Some part of him had to understand that they just weren't meant to be, no matter how badly he wanted it. The Fates just didn't want it.

"Jacob? You okay?" Bella tried to step towards him and I pulled her back quickly and tucked her behind me.

"Careful! He's not under control." I knew what the war zone in his mind looked like right now and I knew how very, very close he was to losing it and attacking us. I couldn't let him hurt her and I couldn't put her in a dangerous position.

I did the only thing I could, I waited.

"Ugh. _I_ would never hurt her," he said when he got back under control. I knew what he meant and he once again showed what she looked like when Sam Uley found her in the forest where I left her. I couldn't stop the hiss from leaving my body relieving some of the pressure that I was keeping in.

I saw his body clench up again preparing to fight me when Charlie's bellows interrupted us.

"BELLA! YOU GET IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!"

"Crap," she said in the silence that followed. Part of me wanted to chuckle at her reaction but I knew how very real Charlie's threats were. He was beyond ready to come out and look for all of us. If he found us in this position, some very uncomfortable half lies would have to come out.

"I _am_ sorry about that. I had to do what I could—I had to try…" he murmured to us.

"Thanks." I could hear her intent at sarcasm that she tried to use so often on me, but I wasn't sure he could. I watched her as she looked up the path waiting for Charlie to barrel down ready to dismember me.

"Just one more thing," I said looking down at her trying to calm her a little bit. She didn't want to upset Charlie and more for threat of his health. "We've found no trace of Victoria on our side of the line—have you?"

"The last time was while Bella was…away. We let her think she was slipping through—we were tightening the circle, getting ready to ambush her—." I could feel Bella tense and falter next to me hearing this. I would have much rather he kept it between him and I. "But then she took off like a bat out of hell. Near as we can tell, she caught your little female's scent and bailed. She hasn't come near our lands since."

I nodded knowing what had to be done to stop her. "When she comes back, she's not your problem anymore. We'll—"

"She killed on our turf. She's ours!" he hissed interrupting me.

"No—" Bella began to plead of us.

"BELLA! I SEE HIS CAR AND I _KNOW_ YOU'RE OUT THERE! IF YOU AREN'T _INSIDE_ THIS HOUSE IN _ONE_ MINUTE…!" I knew what the rest of that threat entailed and I was quite glad that he didn't speak it so he didn't follow through. It would be even harder to find time to be with her once he banned her from ever riding with me. I knew how much she detested the police cruiser. _Neither the time nor the place to contemplate this, Edward_.

"Let's go," I said pulling her back. I didn't want this to get worse.

"Sorry. Bye Bells," he breathed out towards us. I wasn't sure if she could hear it but I could see the pain etched into his features and a part of me felt sorry again. A very, very, very, minuscule part of me that is.

"You promised. Still friends right?" I could hear the shear panic and desperation in her voice and I knew that this was a pain that was caused once again by the hatred that was born long before she was. I hated that the treaty was taking so much away from her again.

Jacob Black calmly shook his head at her. "You know how hard I've tried to keep that promise, but…I can't see how to keep trying. Not now…"

That was the difference between Jacob Black and I. I was always willing to try, and try, and try again until the day I die to make Bella happy and _be_ there for her.

He wasn't.

He was going to let our feud get between them.

That was something that I would and could never suffer.

Even before I had the need to make it up to her, I couldn't separate from her.

"Miss you," Jacob mouthed to her.

"Me, too," she breathed back at him. "Jake…"

_She's reaching out for me. All I have to do is grab her arm and run. I can take her away from him and all of this_.

I grabbed her before she could take another step towards him. The jealousy and insecurity was consuming me. If I let her go, I might never get her back, and I couldn't survive that.

"It's okay," she said looking up to me with mixed emotions in her eyes.

"No, it's not." I knew that she wanted me to see her, but I just couldn't. I could only see the threat that was before me.

"Let her go! She wants to!" His composure broke and he started walking towards me. I quickly pushed Isabella behind me and stood to face him in a defensive position. There was _no_ force on earth that was going to get through me while I was protecting her.

"No! Edward--!" she screamed at us. I couldn't back down while Jacob Black was still threatening our love, or life together.

"ISABELLA _SWAN_!" Charlie roared. I heard some birds flee their nests because of the anger in his voice.

"Come on! Charlie's mad! Hurry!" She pulled me back into her and I stepped back with her. I just wanted to leave. I turned around and started walking as fast as a human could toward Charlie. I would rather put up with his mind and his threat's than those of the young Jacob Black. I didn't need jasper's ability to feel his pain when she called out my name instead of his. I still felt sorry for his soul, I still pitied him. And I hoped for all hope that he finds peace someday.

_Bella,_ Jacob Black whispered in his mind.

We cleared the trees and we could see Charlie's raving face standing on the front porch.

"I'm here." I could see her pull her shoulders back and walk head first into whatever was coming. My astounding Isabella was once again proving that she was brave beyond her years. But there is one thing that this whole nightmare has taught me, that she is even more fragile that I thought she was. There are even more things in this world that could break her and I would be damned if I let any of them touch her.

**(Stop here if you just want _New Moon_ interpretation. Beyond this is all me.)**

* * *

I paced outside her house for hours as she talked with Charlie. I knew that he was upset and scared that she had almost killed herself in more ways than he thought. Once upon a time he made her promise to never get a motorcycle and she broke that. But I only blamed myself for it. She had to tell him about all of her stunts and hearing them all nearly crushed both of us. I knew that she never wanted me to hear any of it, that's why I didn't exactly tell her that I would be in hearing distance. I just told her that I would be nearby if she needed me.

It was now twilight, the safest time of the day. Charlie had exhausted himself from talking to her and she was up in her room crying. I knew it wasn't because Charlie had yelled. He was just concerned and was doing what any good father would have done. Bella was crying because of what had happened with Jacob Black. I knew that she loved him as a friend and brother, but it still ripped me to shreds when she cried over him. It was yet more proof that he held a place in her heart that I could never have. Because I left I gave up her heart and she gave that small piece that should have been mine to him. There was no one to blame for that other than me. I wanted to hate him for it, but I couldn't. He was just protecting her and doing what I would have done, _even if I would have done a better job at it. _

I heard Charlie make himself some dinner and he left some on the stove for Bella. After he ate he went to bed early. He had an early morning the next day and he was just too tired to stay up any longer. Bella's sobs were wracking her body from what I could hear and I nearly tore a tree out of the ground from anger. I turned suddenly when a new scent was behind me.

"I saw what happened with her and Charlie. And I know what you're going to do. Just remember that it will be cold out there. But it will be clear most of the night," Alice said to me as she handed me my wool jacket. I looked at her strangely and she turned to run off. I was so preoccupied by Bella's misery that I didn't hear her until she was right behind me. _I'm more distraught than I thought._

There was something that I wanted to do for Bella. Just to give her a little peace from everything that she is dealing with. I wish more than anything that I could take some of the stress off of her but I know that I can't. It is just some cruel joke by fate that she should have to deal with this just after I break her.

I climbed up her house and into her window. I threw my coat down on the rocking chair as I walked towards her. She stood and walked to me and buried her face in my chest. I put my arms tight around her and let her cry it out. She knew the pain it put me in when she cried over Jacob Black but it caused me an even deeper pain when I tried to be away from her when she was hurting.

I carefully picked her up and walked over to the rocking chair. I sat down in it and folded her onto my lap and put my jacket over her. We didn't have to say anything to each other. I rocked her back and forth wiping the tears from her cheeks and brushing my fingers through her silken hair. I just waited for my Bella to come back to me. I knew she wouldn't be gone for long; she just had to slip out for a moment. I prayed that Jacob Black wouldn't give her any more nightmares. She was down to having one only once a week and I couldn't let that number climb back to where it was a month ago.

She slowly calmed down and her breathing had changed to hiccups rather than ragged empty breaths. I felt her lips press against the side of my neck as her arms wrapped around my body. I hugged her back with as much pressure as I dared and kissed her temple.

I would always love and hold Isabella. No matter the circumstance, I would always be there for her. I learned my lesson and I couldn't ever let her face the world alone. We both knew that there would be many hard trial ahead of us, but from twilight to dawn we could just be Edward and Bella, two lovers caught in the whirlwind.

I pulled my jacket over her and set her on the edge of her bed holding one finger up showing her to wait. I ran out of her room and went to the closet with the extra blankets and pulled two wool ones out. Then I ran down to the front door and grabbed her hiking boots. I walked back into her room three seconds later and shut the door softly. I kneeled down before her and pulled her boots on and tucked her pajama pants into them. I looked up at her and kissed her on the forehead. I wiped the remnants of the tears off of her cheeks and offered my hand to her. Her big doe eyes looked up at me as she took my hand. I pulled her up and into my arms and jumped out the window.

It only took a few minutes to get to the meadow. There truly is no feeling in the world like having Bella with me when I run. She gives my body a whole new strength that I never knew existed. The air that I don't need tastes so much sweeter and clings to us so much tighter when she was with me. _I love you Isabella Swan._

I gently put her down and laid out one of the wool blankets. I pulled her down on me and tucked the other one around her. She laid her head on my chest and stared up at the stars.

I gave her a lesson on astronomy to keep her mind from other things. "There's the tail end of Ursa Minor with North Star. The Milky Way is the long band with trillions of stars. Hercules is standing valiantly next to it. Like he has for a thousand years." She let me go on and on about the stars above us until my voice drifted into the forest around us. Not once did she tell me that she was bored. I knew my Bella better than anyone and I knew that she just wanted to _be._ Here in the deep forest we didn't have to be anything. We didn't have to sneak around quietly or lie to protect each other. We could just sit quietly under the blanket of the whole universe and _be_.

"There was so much light in Phoenix that you would have to travel up into the mountains to get a view this clear," she said quietly. "Was it like this in Denali?"

_I wonder if she thinks that I hid there while away from her?_ "I wouldn't know very well. The last time I was there all I could see was you. Not even the brightest planets or the moon could pierce through the vision of you," I said back just as softly.

We settled back into each other and I stroked her hair as she rubbed my chest. I felt like I was on fire, but in the calmest of ways. We saw the moon pass over us and she never fell asleep. I knew she was on the edge of it but just couldn't bring herself to it. Being here like this reminded me of a poem that I haven't seen in years.

"The sun has come.  
The mist has gone.  
We see in the distance…  
Our long way home.  
I was always yours to have.  
You were always mine.  
We have loved each other in and out of time.  
When the first stone looked up at the blazing sun  
And the first tree struggled up from the forest floor  
I had always loved you more.  
You freed your braids…  
Gave your hair to the breeze.  
It hummed like a hive of honeybees.  
I reached in the mass for the sweet honeycomb there…  
Mmmm… God how I love your hair.  
You saw me bludgeoned by circumstance.  
Lost, injured, hurt by chance.  
I screamed to the heavens… loudly screamed…  
Trying to change our nightmares to dreams…  
The sun has come.  
The mist has gone.  
We see in the distance our long way home.  
I was always yours to have.  
You were always mine.  
We have loved each other in and out  
In and out  
In and out  
Of time."

"Maya Angelou sure knows her stuff," Bella said in a sleepy tone. I kissed her on the top of the head.

"Yes she does, now sleep my angel, in and out of time." I don't know where the whirlwind will take us. I don't know what will happen to her because of me, but what I do know is that nothing can stop us from loving each other. And nothing can stop us from being together. We have lived through the worst nightmare so all that is left is our dreams.

"Love you, Edward," she whispered and kissed my chest.

"As I love you, Bella."

* * *

**Soooo that's the end. No more. I had enough people ask for it. One reviewer Gabriel Wolfe told me that she didn't think the last chapter was up to par. That was why it took FOREVER to get this one out. I wanted to be sure that I was in the right mood and that everything fit. If it's crap let me know and I will, I don't know make a voodoo doll or something. lol**

**What's on deck J? Well as of the last time I checked the poll my lovely fans want me to write the end of Breaking Dawn. I am pretty freaking ecstatic about that because the scene with Jacob was going to be stupid hard, no lie. I will get onto that soon so if you haven't thrown me onto Author Alert, you might want to invest in that. Right now I have a happy story in the works. You have to understand how much of my very soul went into this. All the agony that I have been going through since January was put into this and frankly I need a break and something happy. That is why I put all our favourite characters in Disneyland and will watch how they play with each other. PLUS I am thinking about some Twilight/Jane Austen. So if there is anyone reading this who knows Pride and Prejudice like the back of their hand like I do and wants to help the effort, please do offer.  
**

**"Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things." ~Denis Diderot**

**Thank you all again a thousand times for taking the time to read my first FIC. I really love you all, even the ones who didn't review and the ones who are reading this months later. You guys make the website work. So leave me some love so I can visit your stories and give some love. **

**Mad love to everyone who helped with this, you know who you are.  
~Jingles for the Storm  
**


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